Gotta Laugh to Keep from Cryin'...

From March 1st, 2007 - December 27, 2007, I fought a good battle against cancer...stayed positive...optimistic...didn't let it change my life much.

Thought I was done at the end of 2007...celebrated...began the year feeling like I'd just conquered a beast...started looking to the future...wondering what to do next...I know there is more for me to do.

March 3rd, 2008...bought a new car...figured I deserved it...medical bills won't be as humungous...I'll be able to afford it. I was nervous about the purchase...but many convinced me it was a good call.

March 4th, 2008...a freakin' day later...I get a call from the Dr.'s office, "Your CA125 is up. Last month is was 16...this month it's 71. We want to run it again to make sure it wasn't a bad test."

Right now, that damn CA125 number is running my life. It shouldn't be over 35...the 2nd time it was 171 or something too high. Time to start up on chemo again...oh, that was nice 2 month break after a year straight...no rest for the weary.

Chemo once a week...3 weeks on...1 week off...for 6 months.

My positive attitude faultered...knocked down to the ground...almost too tired to get up. Insurance didn't want to pay for the PET Scan...made me feel like they really don't care if I live or die at this point...I'm costing them a lot of money.

My doctor got it approved and at least it came back with some decent news. Apparently this test causes the cancer to light up like a neon light...I picture a Vegas sign flashing in neon with an arrow pointing to the cancer cells..."Here it is!" The only place it lit up was in the southern region of what womanhood I have left...it had not spread through out my body as my mind tried to make me believe earlier. That was a relief...could things be looking up?

NOT!!!

April 3rd, 2008

5:00am...woke up to stabbing pain in my side...been dealing with it the last couple days...feels like pleurisy...some lung thing I've had before...only hurts when you breath...good times.

8:30am...DMV to pay sales tax on new car...waited...didn't have all the paper work...(flashback in my head to a certified mail
card in my mailbox last week)...huh...that's what that thing was...trek back home to grab card...to the post office...got the goods...when I was leaving the parking lot there...this old lady on Troost driving a clunker almost nailed my car (guarantee she was uninsured).

10:00am Dental Consultation for Zoey's braces...that bills gonna ROCK!!

11:30am Late to CAT Scan...yeah...get to drink that shit that makes you shit...yeah! You've got to sit around with other people in this room of recliners drinking lemonade flavored shit...then wait...then drinking more "lemonade"...sometimes a nice time to catch a little nap...BUT NO...Godzilla's snoring mother reclined out next to me rattling my molars...so much for resting...at least she got a nap in...biotch!

They did a chest x-ray while I was there...they took one picture and then in the middle of the 2nd picture...the machine breaks down...odd...no big deal...went down the hall to a different one. The weird thing was during the CAT Scan...they were
almost done and then that machine malfunctioned and stopped working!

What the hell is going on around here...my MoJo is way out of whack!

I left there at 2:30pm...called work...said screw it...drove back out to the DMV in Lee's Summit...at least it's a nice spring day for a drive...until a freakin' boulder (ok, rock) came out of no where and flew into my windshield and cracked it..."You've got
to be freakin' kidding me!" I scream out loud to no one other than myself and God of course...a month old and we have our first battle wound and finally a name for my Nissan Rogue..."Rocky Rogue".

Taxes ended up costing me about $400-$500 more than I was expecting...I was just figuring State Sales Tax...what the hell's with this freakin' City tax too???!!!!! F#@K! Didn't I just get through paying KC my 1% earning tax...give me a break people............you can find Zoey and I at the Union Mission soup line this month...good for the diet I suppose.

Zoey had softball practice at 6:45pm...I had to ask Mom to take her because the shit I drank all day was kickin' in and I spent the remainder of the evening playing my hand-held electronic Yahtzee game while sitting on the toilet! (Sorry for that visual).

You know...I've been asking God for a sign lately...is He really out there...does He really exist...does He really care? Guess so...I'll just take this day as one big shitty sign...but next time I think I need to be more specific on the type of signs I'm looking for...God's sense of humor seems as whacked as my MoJo.

He did spare me finally at the end of the night when Zoey went out to the car to get her book...she came back to inform me that my sunroof was open. Good thing because it rained all night long...now that would have sent me over the edge!

April 11, 2008...after my first month back on chemo...I was expecting to hear my CA125 number drop...once again, NOT...it went from 171 to 489 within a month...and I was on the juice! Now I'm no mathmatication...but that's a big freakin' jump in my book!

Apparently the doctor wasn't worried...said she's seen it go up before it goes back down...oh, that's gonna help me sleep better...mental note: call Pharmacy for Ambien refill. Yeah right, like my chemo brain's gonna remember that...maybe at 10pm when I'm heading to bed and they're already closed...and I'm hosed...laying there thinking, right now we are 11 days into April
and I'm broke...financially, mentally, physically...and to boot...my house smells like dog piss! Anybody want a rambunctious puppy?

April 12, 2008...rainy day...stopped by my friend Tracy's to borrow their carpet cleaning machine...I couldn't stand walking in my house anymore...so I fell into theirs. I opened their sliding glass door...turned my foot on the step...fell into their house and layed there sprawled out on the floor...trying to call out to see if anyone was home...struggling to catch my breath...waiting for the pain to subside a tad so I could evaluate the extent of my injuries. Ok...no one must be home because there's no way they couldn't hear my entrance. Their dog did showed up but preceeded to step over my body and bolted out the door...he's gone.

Lets see...it's either my right foot or ankle that feels broken...(been there done that before)...left knee feels twisted...left thumb is throbbing...must of slammed it down on the kitchen table I barely missed...except for my thumb of course. Landed on my right arm...it's sore but seemed to cushion the fall...ok...maybe the right foot and ankle aren't broken...still trying to catch my breath. Well, Zoey's in the car...I figure she'll come in...eventually...maybe I can get up now. It was a solid fall...even gave myself whip lash!

It's a party being me!