Do-Over! Friday the 13th...Be There!

As everyone knows by now...I am home from the hospital and in the care of Hospice. I am feeling pretty good and being cared for and loved by more people than any one person can comprehend. It has been decide to revisit the Friday After Thanksgiving Party that I was unable to attend last time. A party committee was formed and a ballroom was reserved at the Sheration Convention Center for an open party tonight. I hope you are all aware by now and will be in attendance if possible. Here are the details:

Sheration Convention Center
Nall and College Blvd.
Friday, January 13, 2009
7pm to Midnight
Leatherwood Ballroom
Open Bar & Light Appetizers
Dress casual and no kids please!

There are still some rooms available if you are interested in spending the night. I hope to see everyone there...it will be a great chance for me to see everyone I love all in one place.

Looking forward to it!

Harley Jo...

I don't have much of a bucket list...I've done just about everything I've wanted to do...ParaSailing and now Harley Riding. Tracy hooked me up with a couple bikers who took us for a spin...they even bought me some Harley gear. Great guys...Boobie & Paul...it was fun and we all had a ball.







Zoey was relieved to see me back home again...

Zoey's 1st Trip to the Beach...

Thought I better write before I lose my audience. My strength has been low...not able to eat much right now...but between blocked bowels and the latest switch up on chemo...we were able to get a long fun weekend in. We traveled nonstop to Tampa Bay to see our good friends the Heinly's. I raised their children...she was pregnant with Sean when they moved into our old neighborhood and I started babysitting Tammy & Heather. Let's see Sean is now 31. Mom went on the trip too...we all had a good time...just a few small challenges but one big adventure for Zoey and I. We feared our fear and did it anyway...


Yes...that would be us ParaSailing!

We even landed on our feet and the boat was really crusin'!

Saturday was a beach day...had lunch at Frenchy's Rockaway Grill on the Beach...then back to the beach...







More to come...but right now is night-night time!

Happy Birthday to Me!

#44

I was being bugged as to what to do for my birthday over the weekend. I never plan much ahead anymore...something seems to come up.

I had chemo on Thursday...no longer a hospital stay...just 1/2 day in the Infusion Room with my old pals again. On Friday, I felt pretty good so I thought it might be safe to plan something for Saturday night. I figured a sports bar to watch a playoff game and hang out would be okay...so I made the calls Friday morning...letting others know. Sunday is the actual day...but all I wanted to do on Sunday was watch playoff games and play cards with my card playing crew.

Hit me like a rock. One minute, I'm dancing around the house...the next...I was doubled over, throwing up and calling Mom...another blockage was taking place. It was 4pm on Friday...I called my nurse and she said not to go to the emergency room and just go straight to Main 5 at the Hospital to be admitted...of course, I couldn't start off my birthday weekend without a visit to see my friends there.

It took a good couple hours but they finally got my pain under control. They basically give me this pain killer which helps me relax all over...and quickly...just getting the orders from the doctor is what took so long...she was delivering a baby. I've never had a baby but I guarantee you the pain has got to be equivalent if not worse than labor. My Aunt Jo has had 5 blocked bowel issues and she agrees that it is worse than child birth.

Once the drugs were administered about once an hour...I finally got to the point by Saturday morning that pain drugs were no longer needed but they wouldn't let me go home until I had held down some liquids and passed gas. Mission accomplished by late afternoon...I was headed back home.

Zoey had spent the night at the Bird's...they brought her home with birthday cupcakes and Mom spent the night with us.

Morning came and I was another year older...I appreciate that...unlike most years, you dread seeing that number go up...I'm thankful that it has this year. Sunday was a beautiful sunny chilly day...spent with Zoey and Mom...then Denny, Dan, Davis and Cookie joined us for dinner,football and cards. We threw cards around until about 10:30pm...awesome game of spades...for Da Broads!

Happy Birthday to Me...here's to seeing many more!

To Travel and Feel Fine in 2009!

So long...farwell 2008...I'm not gonna miss ya!

I know I haven't been to verbal lately...I'll try better this year. As most of you already know...I spent another bout in the hospital with another bowel obstruction around the middle of December. They did a CAT Scan and the tumor in my abdomen had enlarged a little...and Dr. D. said a little...which means a little...if it had grown alot...she'd say so. Regardless, she doesn't believe the Taxol/Cysplatin combo chemo cocktail is doing the trick. Time to do something different...now we are trying Doxil/Ceytoxan combo...only 5-7 hr. ordeal at the Dr.'s office vs. 30+ hour chemo hospital stay...so there's a positive. The more I'm in the hospital the sicker I feel...whenever I'm home...I don't consider it much. Life is going on...I'm still here and I'm here to play and stay for a while.

Right now, I'm about 75 pounds lighter and that helps. It hasn't been intentional and I'm trying to slow it down but I'm getting along better. Walking outside...working with resistance straps...little dumbell weights. Since the bowel blockage...I don't eat much bread or pasta...they recommend a high-protein, high-calorie diet...my stomach is smaller because I eat probably 1/3 to 1/2 as much right now.

I do thank everyone for the prayers and thoughts...I do want to ask you to continue praying for me...of course, we all want a cure...the right cocktail to get this crap under control again...but I also just need for you to pray that my strength stays strong so I can have fun with Zoey, family and friends in 2009!

2009 is going to be a year of travel and recovery. My goal for 2009 is to stay healthy and strong while traveling with family and friends...making memories of a lifetime.

First trip...Zoey has never been to a beach...so we are going to Tampa Bay, FL to see my friends The Heinly's from January 22nd - 26th. Nonstop roundtrip flight for $165...hello, can't NOT go...Mom's even joining us!

****I plan to Para-Sail over the Ocean...walk the beach...hunt for seashells...bury my kid in the sand and just be in the moment.****

Second trip...Easter in Connecticut...the Bird's & Davis plan on making this trip with us to see the Wickham's in their new New England world. I have been to Atlantic City but that's about all I've experienced in the Northeast.

****I'm not sure what we'll plan but we'll plan it together and that's all that matters.****

Third trip...we'll shoot for Alaska again this June/July...we still have a credit for the flights last year...just couldn't make it because we switched up chemo treatments and I had all those lung issues last June.

****I plan on 4 wheeling...fishing...sight-seeing...and hanging with the cousins.****

I know it's an aggressive plan...that's why I'll need your prayers for strength. I've planned dates around chemo treatments so I'll be on my good weeks. Keeping my sinuses clean is key...I'll travel like a bandit on planes with face masks and all..."baldheaded masked woman on board"...pull out the cancer card wherever possible.

So right in this moment...I'm feeling stronger and looking forward to reaching my goals!

Ask me again next week after chemo......

Christmas Eve 2008

Feels Good to Feel Good!

It's been awhile...but I was back this past weekend! Friday night my mom hung out with Zoey while I went out to play with the big kids. I played hard...75th St. Brewery for dinner with Group Therapy...followed by a visit to Mike's Tavern on 54th & Troost. Mark Ruhl's band was playing there...Moonshine Romance...good lookin' group of guys!

"Mark the Drummer"...I ran in the place and screamed like a groupie when I saw him...embarrassed the hell out of him but he loved it...doesn't every rocker? They are rockers too...all original music...sounded good...reminded me of Foo Fighters a bit...would like to check out their lyrics sometime. It was a great night...I felt like a normal human being again...played hard from 7 to 11...crashed even harder.

Saturday was just as great...I felt good...had lunch with the Bird girls...went into work for a bit...napped...spent the rest of the evening taking up space on the McVay couch watching OU stampede over MU for the Big 12 Championship. We got tired of the thrashing so they ordered the De La Hoya fight and was let down there too. Everyone I cheered on lost this weekend...oh well...there's always the Chiefs tomorrow...heeheehee.

Sunday, I went to church and it's still standing...I like the meditational prayer we did...rejuvenated my spirit. Still feeling good...I actually did a little house cleaning...napped some more...watched the Chiefs game at the Colwell's...they lost too...but Nick & Starr won The Amazing Race...so all is well with the world!

Card from Katie Jo...

Better! Better get a Bucket...

It's been a couple weeks since I've written...sorry about that...don't give up on me though...I'm still hanging tough! I may not always feel like writing but it all comes back around eventually. As you can probably tell or have already heard...I am feeling better right now.

Ah, the holidays...started with a bang!
This was the 1st Thanksgiving with all the 1st cousins from the Elleman side of the family since the 80's!

Still crazy after all these years!


This was the scene before digestion began...or tried to begin.



Thanksgiving dinner went down pretty well...I just had a tad of everything...but even that was more than my system was use to eating. I moaned awhile before going home...there the moaning got worse...I moaned in bed...I moaned in the bathroom...I threw in some gags trying to make myself sick about a dozen times...no go...I moaned to the doctor on call...I was soon moaning to my mom over the phone...time to take another trip to the emergency room. She arrived in moments with all the cousins following behind.

It was close to 10pm...but the ER got me right in...(one of the perks of cancer)..."Must be me in the front row."

Relief was soon on the way...pain meds distributed...x-rays and scans began. Obstructed bowel was the verdict and admittance was to follow. It was after 2am when I arrived to see my buddies on Main 5 - The Cancer Institute. I was feeling relief...we'd wait 'til morning to see what the Dr. suggests. By 4am...Mom and I get some in and out shut eye... before Doctors were storming in...flipping on lights...hollering about eating too much turkey...then barking orders.

The nurses were instructed: Up the nose with a plastic hose...and down the back of the throat into my stomach. I won't go into any more details but my system was cleaned out. The goal was to decompress my innerds...rest the bowel...nothing to eat or drink...throw in an ice chip here or there...let the kink work itself out...and it was highly unlikely that I would be leaving that day. Please keep in mind...it is now Friday after Thanksgiving...one of the biggest nights of the year for me...especially this year.

This evening was to be the:

T-shirts had been printed and caters were cooking...The Party Must Go On...without me!

It did.

I slept through most of it...in and out between the late night drunk dialers...I was missed and it sounds like I missed a BiG oNe! It is estimated that over 100 people were in attendance. For those who were there...from the old neighborhood to high school to family and the best of friends...thank you...I love you all!

Thank God for Football...

I would have gone crazy had football not been on this weekend...I'm not sure what I'll do when the season's over...maybe...get off my fat butt and do something!

That's all I did all weekend...watch college games on Saturday and NFL on Sunday...(not unlike most men out there)...no wonder my kid can't stand football. I tried getting out Saturday night...the Scott's, Backous' & McVay's went to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrated Kyle's making of the basketball team...special shout out to Kyle Michael...WaWho!

Zoey and Katey went into there special world together...I tried a beer...it didn't like me much...then all the commotion...MU vs. Iowa St. on every big screen...place packed to the gills...wings flying out to all the tables with a dozen different sauce flavors mixing in the air...overstimulating my senses...making me want to puke!

I tried joining the smokers outside for some fresh air...(is that ironic or an oxymoron?)...it didn't seem to work. Once we returned to the table...food was being served...first thing I did was scan the table and saw an empty beer glass within reach just in case...I quickly asked for my potato wedges to go...pawned my child off on a friend for the night...then gracefully bowed out of the joint before my stomach bowed out on the table.

I was better once I got home...crawled in my bed...and slept until the Chiefs' game the next day.
I should have just kept on sleeping..............

Back Amongst the Living...

Last weeks chemo round wasn't as bad as the 1st round...I wasn't as sick in the nausea department but I sure did pumped out the zzzzzz's! I could have slept straight through Thursday & Friday of last week...almost did...but I'm coming around now...didn't even nap once on Sunday! I think I may be able to stay awake long enough to go back to work for a bit this week...call me crazy...but it sounds like fun...(shows you how exciting my life has been lately)!

CA125 = 449!

Before my surgery less than a month ago...my CA125 was over 1900...the high reading was due to all the fluid that was in my body. Once that was all removed...followed by my 1st round of chemo...ChemoMan did some ass kicking and it dropped to 449!

Round 1 was definitely successful at killing off all my hair cells. I tried hanging on as long as I could but once the hair covered my pillow and woke me up in the middle of the night because it was in my mouth...I said "bye bye". Tracy & Zoey did the honors...cut and clipped as low as possible...Mom and I finished it off last night with old fashion shaving cream and a triple bladed razor...smooth as a baby's butt!

I'm heading into the hospital today so ChemoMan can continue on his conquest...Round 2 should be about 36 hours...not sure if I'll be home late Tuesday or early Wednesday...whatever the case...I'll be there visualizing yet another successful battle.

Say Goodbye to my Hair...Again!

Never been bald during winter...this should be fun!

Apparently the chemo is working...I'm definitely loosing my hair...in droves down south...still hanging tight and being gentle with the northern hemisphere...but it too will be gone soon.

I also believe that the crappier I feel after chemo...the better ChemoMan's mission is going. He's down there just reaking havoc with no mercy on those weak ass cells...kill 'em all ChemoMan...kill 'em all!

So as crappy as I felt after the 1st round...I'm confident this last battle was won by the good guys...round 2 is coming up on Monday...I'll be in the hospital about 36 hours or so. I don't expect this round to be as bad...I was just off surgery when they hit me with the 1st dose...but I asked for it. BRING IT ON!

Overdue Update...Oct. 23, 2008

Sorry I haven't kept you all updated lately...but most of you know what has been going on. Surgery was 2 weeks ago...Dr. D. wasn't able to get rid of the cancer physically so we will attack it chemically! She was able to put a drain in my abdomen so that excessive fluid will no longer weigh me down...losing 30 lbs. of fluid alone is a huge deal for how I'm feeling right now. Apparently, cancer cells produce this fluid...I can't tell you how uncomfortable I've been for weeks prior to surgery..."not enough to drain"...my ass! She drained 6 liters which is equivalent to 24 pounds of fluid all in my abdomen...surrounding my stomach...suffocating my lungs...running down my thighs...bloating my calves...swelling my eyes...it's been the best party of them all!

The drain she installed is a tube that protrudes from my abdomen and runs into a bag that Velcros around my calf...I can drain it anytime. It will also helps us to indicate if chemo is working...fluid is one of the first things that chemo clears up...so we will be monitoring that and my CA125 very closely. So far, I've been draining about a beer can a day.

I had surgery on Wednesday 10/08...chemo in the hospital the following Monday. I watched the movie "IronMan" the night before chemo and I imagined IronMan being ChemoMan inside my body...blasting away all the cancer! I told my Dr.'s therapist and the next day she came in with a gift...it was an IronMan action figure. He's sitting next to me right now as I type...reminding me to visualize the casualties of cancer cells exiting my body.

Monday...they started pre-meds in the morning about 9am...then the Taxol cocktail for 24 hours at about 4pm. It ran through me until the following afternoon...then they gave me 2 hours of fluid...followed by the 2nd cocktail they poured through my port for a couple hours...chase that all with 2 more hours of fluid. I was done by Tuesday night about 9pm. All in all...the 36 hour chemo treatment went pretty well...they let me out Wednesday AM...I was ready to get home to be with my kid! My niece, Katie Jo, came in town on Thursday...her and Mom stayed at my house with us. It was great having her around and I felt pretty good until Saturday...that's when the steroids wore off and the nausea began. In the past, I've never had much nausea to speak of...I'm getting a taste of it now.

Today is Thursday...the morning went well...that time of day usually is my worst. Nausea has just started to sink in a little after lunch...but not nearly as bad as it has been...I'm turning the corner. I will be doing 30 hour chemo treatments in the hospital once every 3 weeks...next time will be Nov. 3rd.

My stomach has definitely shrunk and I get scared about eating...but I have and I'm feeling stronger everyday!

It's so much easier to feel positive when your heart and stomach are no longer in the pit of your gut.

Dig Deep.......

Surgery is scheduled for October 8th...less than a couple weeks away...not looking forward to it so we have decided to get the hell out of Dodge!

The Swirks' have invited Zoey and I to join them for some time on Madeline Island. They have a cabin in the woods...on a cliff that overlooks Lake Superior...at the edge of the cliff is a fire pit...where I can soon be found sitting in my camping chair...bringing in the fall and all it's beauty...watching leaves drop all around. Time to retrain my brain!

Rethink...Refocus...Regenerate...Relax...Recall...just Redo it all.

Dig Deep...and Relocate that positive, beautiful and healthy soul within!

We'll be back a day or so before the surgery...until then...we are out of here!

Denied Drainage...

I was looking forward to getting a little relief...instead I got shut out.

Great...that means I have to see what's behind Door #2.........Surgery..........Lucky me!

I was bummed...I really could use some immediate relief...and it would be nice to feel some comfort once again.

Since that's not gonna happen soon enough...I had to suck it up and look at the big picture.

In the long run...it will be for the best...but the thought of having my 4th surgery within 2 months of #3 is freakin' me out a bit...especially since #3 was a nightmare recovery.

Dr. D. wants to go in...remove the masses and get me all cleaned up inside. She is truly limited in seeing what's going on with my innerds unless she is physically inside me...sounds preverted but that's where she does her magic. My greatest fear right now is that she'll open me up and sow me right back together again...so let's all pray for Dr. D. to dig deep and remove every seed of cancer she can find!

Drainage or Surgery...

I saw Dr. D. yesterday...she examined me and felt my pain. She couldn't understand why the CAT Scan showed an increase of fluid in the abdomen yet Radiology wouldn't drain anything.

They scheduled me for an appointment Thursday AM with Interventional Radiology (they're a step above Radiology...cooler toys). They will hopefully be able to find a good enough size pocket of fluid to drain this time. Better be...I can't imagine going much longer with all this engorgement and consistent pain. The only time I feel any comfort is flat on my back and asleep...so needless to say...I've been sleeping my life away.

We all know I'm full of it but there are certain reasons that may prevent them from following through with the procedure...it could be that the fluid is in various pockets and not one major area to tap into...or it could be that the fluid is entwined with a bunch of bowel loops making it too dangerous to go after. If Interventional Radiology denies our request...Dr. D. says the only other option would be to perform surgery on me again. She would go after the masses and anything else she could do to clean me up.

I'm a little freaked out about another surgery so soon...I just went under the knife at the end of July...the memories of that bad trip are still fresh in my mind. Right now, I'm looking for some drainage relief followed by chemo...then we can talk about another surgery on down the road.

So that's what we'll do...if they drain...it's business as usual...if they don't...I'm going under the knife...again.

From the Depths of My Cocoon...

I think I've finally seen the light...and it's called 2 Fentanyl patches...(pAin killerS). I'm filled to the rim with fluid and I finally broke through the pain barrier today...only took a week. I always begin with Advil...if that's not cuttin' it...I request something stronger. Hydrocodone came 1st...which I don't understand how anybody gets addicted to those things...they make you feel like shit in the pit of your bowel and then it locks the door on ya...then you have to take something else to fix that problem. There are not many worse feelings then being as bloated as an engorged tick...weighing more than most...and then lodging a huge rock into my gut. It's actually one incredibly uncomfortable situation.

Next was Darvocet...briefly...my moaning got me an upgrade pretty quick. (Moaning. What does it bring to the table when you're in pain?) I don't know but I sure do it a lot...it did get me my patches...which are good for 72 hours instead of horse pills every 4 to 6...that alone is a gift to the belly. It's definitely helped cut through the kajillion stomach crunches feeling. I swear deep under all this lovin' I must have washboard abs somewhere in there by now!

Monday I see Dr. D...we'll get something figured out...I've paid my dues this past week...I want to be drained damnit!

For today...I'm alive again...just writing it out.

My Cats have been Scanned...

To answer everyone's question of "How you doing?"

"If I were any better, I'd be a little better."

It hasn't been a great week...Tuesday my cats were scanned...got to drink a bunch of shit that lives up to its name. By noon the next day, I struggled to get out of bed...I was so weak...I hadn't consumed food or beverage for over a 16 hour period. Not very smart on my part...I let myself get dehydrated...and had to call my mommy to bring me some Immodium AD...that along with Gatorade and water seemed to do the trick.

CAT Scan didn't show what I wanted to hear...(after translation)...basically, I still have a mass on the right abdominal wall...it has remained the same...the one above my bladder has grown a couple more cm...I had to ask to convert that to inches for me and I was told it's basically the size of a baseball. Surgery will probably be an option down the road...right now, we are staying on course to find a chemo regiment that's going to do me some good...too early to tell on this new stuff...(story of my life right now).

It also showed an increase in body fluid...which I could tell...I've been having the same problems I had when I was first diagnosed. It feels like I've done a million stomach crunches...sore all over...my abdomen feels bloated and as tight as a tick ready to pop...(which reminds me of a funny story I'll write about in a minute). Anyway, I've been pretty miserable and uncomfortable the last few days.

This morning they did an ultra sound to see if there was enough fluid to go in and drain...according to the
Dr...there wasn't yet...I beg to differ but what are you gonna do...pop a couple pain killers and mask the problem for awhile.

At least the fluids are not entering my lung right now...(they've changed course on me instead)...still struggling a little with the breathing...I can tell it's better...still may take a month or so to truly know if that whole ordeal worked out in my favor or not...I don't plan on holding my breath to find out.