My chest x-ray from yesterday showed fluid in the lining of my right lung again...about the same amount as the time before...and the time before that...etc. I was admitted to the hospital by 1pm...took a little nap...then about 2:30 they took me to the ultra sound room. There they look for the best place to enter through my back. They numb the area then stick a long needle through my back...between my ribs...(sometimes hitting a rib on the way in which doesn't feel great)...once in they try to get to the fluid. 1st time was unsuccessful...I told her I thought the time before it took the Dr. 4 or 5 sticks before he got to the fluid and that it seemed he stuck me up higher on the back. She found the spot the 2nd time and retrieved about 1/2 a liter of fluid.
I was home by 4pm but unfortunately I had to miss Zoey's Hannah Montana production that was scheduled for 3pm. She has been at a Hannah Montana camp all week at Longview Community College...today was the last day and the big production. Last night, I informed her that I would have to miss it and she looked up at me with these big blue eyes that immediately started welling up with tears. She's worked so hard this week and I've got to miss the end results...this sucks!
She has been down this road with me before...as far as fluid in my lung and knowing how out of breath I get. I asked her if she would prefer I see the Hannah Montana show or get the procedure done so I can be in good shape for her big fun birthday celebration on Sunday...she agreed on the latter and wiped away the tears.
Mimi and Aunt Jo went and took my video camera so I'll get to watch it...just sucks having to disappoint my very soon to be 9 year old.
Friday, July 11, 2008
My Beautiful Sister...
Special shout out to my sister..."Hey Sis!" (Since no one else ever mentions you in their blogs).
I want you to know that I think you are an amazing sister and human being...a true blessing in my life and I love you to death!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Long Day in the Poison Chair...
I arrived for chemo at 10:30am...not breathing too bad...but not great. My oxygen level was borderline so it took them awhile to decide if I should have chemo today or not. During chemo, they pump me full of about 3 liters of fluid...seems like halfway through I start to struggle more and more with my breathing. I'm starting to think the port in my chest that the chemo pumps through is wired wrong...seems to be dripping directly into my right lung.
I told them I wanted the chemo treatment...we'll just have to tap my lung again tomorrow...my CA125 is too high to be pussy footing around just because I can't breath...whatever people! I just need to have a good weekend because it's Zoey's 9th birthday and we've got big plans.
Libby agreed with me...she got me scheduled for a fluid tap tomorrow afternoon...I left the poison chair at 4:30pm and had to go get a chest x-ray done before I left.
Long day...about to get much longer.
Zoey's softball team is in a tournament and her game starts at 6pm...my mom got her there in time because I wasn't sure if I'd make it out to Lee's Summit to warm up by 5:30. They haven't won a game in so long...but they did tonight 10 - 6! Unfortunately, my throbbing headache was gonna have to wait to visit its pillow...winners played again at 9pm. They got spanked pretty good 15 - 5...but they had fun and the season's over...it's all good!
***On a side note: Clark and Christa's daughter Cara had a game at 9pm as well...same place different field...they won! Clark brought snacks for the team...including Propel drinks. We didn't notice until after everyone had left that Propel is full of caffeine and provides a good bolt of energy for 10 year olds at 10:30pm! OOPS...sorry folks! Father of the year...Corky Colwell!!!!
I told them I wanted the chemo treatment...we'll just have to tap my lung again tomorrow...my CA125 is too high to be pussy footing around just because I can't breath...whatever people! I just need to have a good weekend because it's Zoey's 9th birthday and we've got big plans.
Libby agreed with me...she got me scheduled for a fluid tap tomorrow afternoon...I left the poison chair at 4:30pm and had to go get a chest x-ray done before I left.
Long day...about to get much longer.
Zoey's softball team is in a tournament and her game starts at 6pm...my mom got her there in time because I wasn't sure if I'd make it out to Lee's Summit to warm up by 5:30. They haven't won a game in so long...but they did tonight 10 - 6! Unfortunately, my throbbing headache was gonna have to wait to visit its pillow...winners played again at 9pm. They got spanked pretty good 15 - 5...but they had fun and the season's over...it's all good!
***On a side note: Clark and Christa's daughter Cara had a game at 9pm as well...same place different field...they won! Clark brought snacks for the team...including Propel drinks. We didn't notice until after everyone had left that Propel is full of caffeine and provides a good bolt of energy for 10 year olds at 10:30pm! OOPS...sorry folks! Father of the year...Corky Colwell!!!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Quick Update...
As of today...July 9, 2008
My CA125 is 1019...down from 1090 (3 weeks ago)...not thrilled with that number...need to be below 35...just seems like yesterday I was bitchin' about being in the 400's.
I've had my lung drained 3 times...feeling like I'm in need of another stick soon. Is it normal to be out of breath while going pee?
I've had 2 iron infusions...feeling better but still tired...sick and tired to be exact! Sick and tired of the whole damn thing:
...the chemo...the fatigue...the frustration...the bills...the not knowing...the wandering mind...the prayers...the lies...
I haven't been too thrilled with the way things have been going lately...it's been a rough ride...I'm in need of some smooth sailing but it's hard to flip the switch and think positive thoughts...pray...meditate...visualize.
I use to be good at that stuff...now it's a struggle and I need to reconnect...it's just not happening at this present moment. It will come back to me though...I am confident and positive about that...(I think).
I'll just be over here waiting for my epiphany.
My CA125 is 1019...down from 1090 (3 weeks ago)...not thrilled with that number...need to be below 35...just seems like yesterday I was bitchin' about being in the 400's.
I've had my lung drained 3 times...feeling like I'm in need of another stick soon. Is it normal to be out of breath while going pee?
I've had 2 iron infusions...feeling better but still tired...sick and tired to be exact! Sick and tired of the whole damn thing:
...the chemo...the fatigue...the frustration...the bills...the not knowing...the wandering mind...the prayers...the lies...
I haven't been too thrilled with the way things have been going lately...it's been a rough ride...I'm in need of some smooth sailing but it's hard to flip the switch and think positive thoughts...pray...meditate...visualize.
I use to be good at that stuff...now it's a struggle and I need to reconnect...it's just not happening at this present moment. It will come back to me though...I am confident and positive about that...(I think).
I'll just be over here waiting for my epiphany.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
How Deep is this Rut???
After the hospital...I went to see Dr. D. again...news as follows:
My CA125 increased to 1090! In May it had been 489...then it dropped to 301...now I've jumped to over 1000...holy cow!
Fluid in my lung was removed, analyzed and cancer cells were found.
CT Scan showed a possible mass on the right abdominal wall and one above the bladder.
New chemo regiment to start...this battle is getting freakin' wicked.
My CA125 increased to 1090! In May it had been 489...then it dropped to 301...now I've jumped to over 1000...holy cow!
Fluid in my lung was removed, analyzed and cancer cells were found.
CT Scan showed a possible mass on the right abdominal wall and one above the bladder.
New chemo regiment to start...this battle is getting freakin' wicked.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Only Hurts When I Breath...
I knew that the chemo treatment wasn't working. I should have been losing my hair...but it was growing back like crazy...I should have felt worse...but I felt great...my CA125 should have been going down...but it kept going up...something just wasn't right. Mom and I met with Dr. D. and my favorite nurse, Libby...we were all in agreement.
I was currently at the maximum dose of chemo for "an ideal body weight"...(I haven't been an ideal body weight since I was 8). Bring it on...I'm strong...I can take more...I want to push the envelop...they increased my dose by 20%. By June, my CA125 was down from 489 to 301 (normal is below 35)...but I started having other problems...my ankles were as swollen as grapefruits and I was having a shortness of breath.
Libby ordered an ultra sound on my legs looking for blood clots...but all was fine. Chest X-Ray found fluid between my right lung and the lining of my lung. She got me into see a pulmonary doctor that very day...Dr. Yagan. After assessing my situation...he was convinced it was more of a heart issue...he had me convinced too. He got me into see a cardiologist for an echo test the next day...everything looked fine. They ran some other tests and sent me home for the weekend with water pills...we'll chat on Monday.
Over the weekend, I could hardly move without losing my breath. You know it's bad when you're losing wind rolling over in bed instead of breaking wind.
After our Monday chat...they admitted me into the hospital for an Angiogram...(that's where they take a needle up through your thigh and check out your heart)...everything came back fine.
I'm not crazy...I'm not imagining what's going on. The cardiologist cleared me of any heart issues and through up his hands but Dr. Yagan didn't give up...a couple nights in the hospital...along with more x-rays and CT Scans...he finally realized that the fluid in my lungs had significantly increased.
On the 3rd day...God created a long ass needle that they stick through your back, between your ribs and into the lining of the lung to suck out a dark beer colored fluid...ahhhhhhhh...(felt just like taking a long awaited pee)...a liter of fluid later...I got to go home.
I was currently at the maximum dose of chemo for "an ideal body weight"...(I haven't been an ideal body weight since I was 8). Bring it on...I'm strong...I can take more...I want to push the envelop...they increased my dose by 20%. By June, my CA125 was down from 489 to 301 (normal is below 35)...but I started having other problems...my ankles were as swollen as grapefruits and I was having a shortness of breath.
Libby ordered an ultra sound on my legs looking for blood clots...but all was fine. Chest X-Ray found fluid between my right lung and the lining of my lung. She got me into see a pulmonary doctor that very day...Dr. Yagan. After assessing my situation...he was convinced it was more of a heart issue...he had me convinced too. He got me into see a cardiologist for an echo test the next day...everything looked fine. They ran some other tests and sent me home for the weekend with water pills...we'll chat on Monday.
Over the weekend, I could hardly move without losing my breath. You know it's bad when you're losing wind rolling over in bed instead of breaking wind.
After our Monday chat...they admitted me into the hospital for an Angiogram...(that's where they take a needle up through your thigh and check out your heart)...everything came back fine.
I'm not crazy...I'm not imagining what's going on. The cardiologist cleared me of any heart issues and through up his hands but Dr. Yagan didn't give up...a couple nights in the hospital...along with more x-rays and CT Scans...he finally realized that the fluid in my lungs had significantly increased.
On the 3rd day...God created a long ass needle that they stick through your back, between your ribs and into the lining of the lung to suck out a dark beer colored fluid...ahhhhhhhh...(felt just like taking a long awaited pee)...a liter of fluid later...I got to go home.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Gotta Laugh to Keep from Cryin'...
From March 1st, 2007 - December 27, 2007, I fought a good battle against cancer...stayed positive...optimistic...didn't let it change my life much.
Thought I was done at the end of 2007...celebrated...began the year feeling like I'd just conquered a beast...started looking to the future...wondering what to do next...I know there is more for me to do.
March 3rd, 2008...bought a new car...figured I deserved it...medical bills won't be as humungous...I'll be able to afford it. I was nervous about the purchase...but many convinced me it was a good call.
March 4th, 2008...a freakin' day later...I get a call from the Dr.'s office, "Your CA125 is up. Last month is was 16...this month it's 71. We want to run it again to make sure it wasn't a bad test."
Right now, that damn CA125 number is running my life. It shouldn't be over 35...the 2nd time it was 171 or something too high. Time to start up on chemo again...oh, that was nice 2 month break after a year straight...no rest for the weary.
Chemo once a week...3 weeks on...1 week off...for 6 months.
My positive attitude faultered...knocked down to the ground...almost too tired to get up. Insurance didn't want to pay for the PET Scan...made me feel like they really don't care if I live or die at this point...I'm costing them a lot of money.
My doctor got it approved and at least it came back with some decent news. Apparently this test causes the cancer to light up like a neon light...I picture a Vegas sign flashing in neon with an arrow pointing to the cancer cells..."Here it is!" The only place it lit up was in the southern region of what womanhood I have left...it had not spread through out my body as my mind tried to make me believe earlier. That was a relief...could things be looking up?
NOT!!!
April 3rd, 2008
5:00am...woke up to stabbing pain in my side...been dealing with it the last couple days...feels like pleurisy...some lung thing I've had before...only hurts when you breath...good times.
8:30am...DMV to pay sales tax on new car...waited...didn't have all the paper work...(flashback in my head to a certified mail
card in my mailbox last week)...huh...that's what that thing was...trek back home to grab card...to the post office...got the goods...when I was leaving the parking lot there...this old lady on Troost driving a clunker almost nailed my car (guarantee she was uninsured).
10:00am Dental Consultation for Zoey's braces...that bills gonna ROCK!!
11:30am Late to CAT Scan...yeah...get to drink that shit that makes you shit...yeah! You've got to sit around with other people in this room of recliners drinking lemonade flavored shit...then wait...then drinking more "lemonade"...sometimes a nice time to catch a little nap...BUT NO...Godzilla's snoring mother reclined out next to me rattling my molars...so much for resting...at least she got a nap in...biotch!
They did a chest x-ray while I was there...they took one picture and then in the middle of the 2nd picture...the machine breaks down...odd...no big deal...went down the hall to a different one. The weird thing was during the CAT Scan...they were
almost done and then that machine malfunctioned and stopped working!
What the hell is going on around here...my MoJo is way out of whack!
I left there at 2:30pm...called work...said screw it...drove back out to the DMV in Lee's Summit...at least it's a nice spring day for a drive...until a freakin' boulder (ok, rock) came out of no where and flew into my windshield and cracked it..."You've got
to be freakin' kidding me!" I scream out loud to no one other than myself and God of course...a month old and we have our first battle wound and finally a name for my Nissan Rogue..."Rocky Rogue".
Taxes ended up costing me about $400-$500 more than I was expecting...I was just figuring State Sales Tax...what the hell's with this freakin' City tax too???!!!!! F#@K! Didn't I just get through paying KC my 1% earning tax...give me a break people............you can find Zoey and I at the Union Mission soup line this month...good for the diet I suppose.
Zoey had softball practice at 6:45pm...I had to ask Mom to take her because the shit I drank all day was kickin' in and I spent the remainder of the evening playing my hand-held electronic Yahtzee game while sitting on the toilet! (Sorry for that visual).
You know...I've been asking God for a sign lately...is He really out there...does He really exist...does He really care? Guess so...I'll just take this day as one big shitty sign...but next time I think I need to be more specific on the type of signs I'm looking for...God's sense of humor seems as whacked as my MoJo.
He did spare me finally at the end of the night when Zoey went out to the car to get her book...she came back to inform me that my sunroof was open. Good thing because it rained all night long...now that would have sent me over the edge!
April 11, 2008...after my first month back on chemo...I was expecting to hear my CA125 number drop...once again, NOT...it went from 171 to 489 within a month...and I was on the juice! Now I'm no mathmatication...but that's a big freakin' jump in my book!
Apparently the doctor wasn't worried...said she's seen it go up before it goes back down...oh, that's gonna help me sleep better...mental note: call Pharmacy for Ambien refill. Yeah right, like my chemo brain's gonna remember that...maybe at 10pm when I'm heading to bed and they're already closed...and I'm hosed...laying there thinking, right now we are 11 days into April
and I'm broke...financially, mentally, physically...and to boot...my house smells like dog piss! Anybody want a rambunctious puppy?
April 12, 2008...rainy day...stopped by my friend Tracy's to borrow their carpet cleaning machine...I couldn't stand walking in my house anymore...so I fell into theirs. I opened their sliding glass door...turned my foot on the step...fell into their house and layed there sprawled out on the floor...trying to call out to see if anyone was home...struggling to catch my breath...waiting for the pain to subside a tad so I could evaluate the extent of my injuries. Ok...no one must be home because there's no way they couldn't hear my entrance. Their dog did showed up but preceeded to step over my body and bolted out the door...he's gone.
Lets see...it's either my right foot or ankle that feels broken...(been there done that before)...left knee feels twisted...left thumb is throbbing...must of slammed it down on the kitchen table I barely missed...except for my thumb of course. Landed on my right arm...it's sore but seemed to cushion the fall...ok...maybe the right foot and ankle aren't broken...still trying to catch my breath. Well, Zoey's in the car...I figure she'll come in...eventually...maybe I can get up now. It was a solid fall...even gave myself whip lash!
It's a party being me!
Thought I was done at the end of 2007...celebrated...began the year feeling like I'd just conquered a beast...started looking to the future...wondering what to do next...I know there is more for me to do.
March 3rd, 2008...bought a new car...figured I deserved it...medical bills won't be as humungous...I'll be able to afford it. I was nervous about the purchase...but many convinced me it was a good call.
March 4th, 2008...a freakin' day later...I get a call from the Dr.'s office, "Your CA125 is up. Last month is was 16...this month it's 71. We want to run it again to make sure it wasn't a bad test."
Right now, that damn CA125 number is running my life. It shouldn't be over 35...the 2nd time it was 171 or something too high. Time to start up on chemo again...oh, that was nice 2 month break after a year straight...no rest for the weary.
Chemo once a week...3 weeks on...1 week off...for 6 months.
My positive attitude faultered...knocked down to the ground...almost too tired to get up. Insurance didn't want to pay for the PET Scan...made me feel like they really don't care if I live or die at this point...I'm costing them a lot of money.
My doctor got it approved and at least it came back with some decent news. Apparently this test causes the cancer to light up like a neon light...I picture a Vegas sign flashing in neon with an arrow pointing to the cancer cells..."Here it is!" The only place it lit up was in the southern region of what womanhood I have left...it had not spread through out my body as my mind tried to make me believe earlier. That was a relief...could things be looking up?
NOT!!!
April 3rd, 2008
5:00am...woke up to stabbing pain in my side...been dealing with it the last couple days...feels like pleurisy...some lung thing I've had before...only hurts when you breath...good times.
8:30am...DMV to pay sales tax on new car...waited...didn't have all the paper work...(flashback in my head to a certified mail
card in my mailbox last week)...huh...that's what that thing was...trek back home to grab card...to the post office...got the goods...when I was leaving the parking lot there...this old lady on Troost driving a clunker almost nailed my car (guarantee she was uninsured).
10:00am Dental Consultation for Zoey's braces...that bills gonna ROCK!!
11:30am Late to CAT Scan...yeah...get to drink that shit that makes you shit...yeah! You've got to sit around with other people in this room of recliners drinking lemonade flavored shit...then wait...then drinking more "lemonade"...sometimes a nice time to catch a little nap...BUT NO...Godzilla's snoring mother reclined out next to me rattling my molars...so much for resting...at least she got a nap in...biotch!
They did a chest x-ray while I was there...they took one picture and then in the middle of the 2nd picture...the machine breaks down...odd...no big deal...went down the hall to a different one. The weird thing was during the CAT Scan...they were
almost done and then that machine malfunctioned and stopped working!
What the hell is going on around here...my MoJo is way out of whack!
I left there at 2:30pm...called work...said screw it...drove back out to the DMV in Lee's Summit...at least it's a nice spring day for a drive...until a freakin' boulder (ok, rock) came out of no where and flew into my windshield and cracked it..."You've got
to be freakin' kidding me!" I scream out loud to no one other than myself and God of course...a month old and we have our first battle wound and finally a name for my Nissan Rogue..."Rocky Rogue".
Taxes ended up costing me about $400-$500 more than I was expecting...I was just figuring State Sales Tax...what the hell's with this freakin' City tax too???!!!!! F#@K! Didn't I just get through paying KC my 1% earning tax...give me a break people............you can find Zoey and I at the Union Mission soup line this month...good for the diet I suppose.
Zoey had softball practice at 6:45pm...I had to ask Mom to take her because the shit I drank all day was kickin' in and I spent the remainder of the evening playing my hand-held electronic Yahtzee game while sitting on the toilet! (Sorry for that visual).
You know...I've been asking God for a sign lately...is He really out there...does He really exist...does He really care? Guess so...I'll just take this day as one big shitty sign...but next time I think I need to be more specific on the type of signs I'm looking for...God's sense of humor seems as whacked as my MoJo.
He did spare me finally at the end of the night when Zoey went out to the car to get her book...she came back to inform me that my sunroof was open. Good thing because it rained all night long...now that would have sent me over the edge!
April 11, 2008...after my first month back on chemo...I was expecting to hear my CA125 number drop...once again, NOT...it went from 171 to 489 within a month...and I was on the juice! Now I'm no mathmatication...but that's a big freakin' jump in my book!
Apparently the doctor wasn't worried...said she's seen it go up before it goes back down...oh, that's gonna help me sleep better...mental note: call Pharmacy for Ambien refill. Yeah right, like my chemo brain's gonna remember that...maybe at 10pm when I'm heading to bed and they're already closed...and I'm hosed...laying there thinking, right now we are 11 days into April
and I'm broke...financially, mentally, physically...and to boot...my house smells like dog piss! Anybody want a rambunctious puppy?
April 12, 2008...rainy day...stopped by my friend Tracy's to borrow their carpet cleaning machine...I couldn't stand walking in my house anymore...so I fell into theirs. I opened their sliding glass door...turned my foot on the step...fell into their house and layed there sprawled out on the floor...trying to call out to see if anyone was home...struggling to catch my breath...waiting for the pain to subside a tad so I could evaluate the extent of my injuries. Ok...no one must be home because there's no way they couldn't hear my entrance. Their dog did showed up but preceeded to step over my body and bolted out the door...he's gone.
Lets see...it's either my right foot or ankle that feels broken...(been there done that before)...left knee feels twisted...left thumb is throbbing...must of slammed it down on the kitchen table I barely missed...except for my thumb of course. Landed on my right arm...it's sore but seemed to cushion the fall...ok...maybe the right foot and ankle aren't broken...still trying to catch my breath. Well, Zoey's in the car...I figure she'll come in...eventually...maybe I can get up now. It was a solid fall...even gave myself whip lash!
It's a party being me!
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