Dig Deep.......

Surgery is scheduled for October 8th...less than a couple weeks away...not looking forward to it so we have decided to get the hell out of Dodge!

The Swirks' have invited Zoey and I to join them for some time on Madeline Island. They have a cabin in the woods...on a cliff that overlooks Lake Superior...at the edge of the cliff is a fire pit...where I can soon be found sitting in my camping chair...bringing in the fall and all it's beauty...watching leaves drop all around. Time to retrain my brain!

Rethink...Refocus...Regenerate...Relax...Recall...just Redo it all.

Dig Deep...and Relocate that positive, beautiful and healthy soul within!

We'll be back a day or so before the surgery...until then...we are out of here!

Denied Drainage...

I was looking forward to getting a little relief...instead I got shut out.

Great...that means I have to see what's behind Door #2.........Surgery..........Lucky me!

I was bummed...I really could use some immediate relief...and it would be nice to feel some comfort once again.

Since that's not gonna happen soon enough...I had to suck it up and look at the big picture.

In the long run...it will be for the best...but the thought of having my 4th surgery within 2 months of #3 is freakin' me out a bit...especially since #3 was a nightmare recovery.

Dr. D. wants to go in...remove the masses and get me all cleaned up inside. She is truly limited in seeing what's going on with my innerds unless she is physically inside me...sounds preverted but that's where she does her magic. My greatest fear right now is that she'll open me up and sow me right back together again...so let's all pray for Dr. D. to dig deep and remove every seed of cancer she can find!

Drainage or Surgery...

I saw Dr. D. yesterday...she examined me and felt my pain. She couldn't understand why the CAT Scan showed an increase of fluid in the abdomen yet Radiology wouldn't drain anything.

They scheduled me for an appointment Thursday AM with Interventional Radiology (they're a step above Radiology...cooler toys). They will hopefully be able to find a good enough size pocket of fluid to drain this time. Better be...I can't imagine going much longer with all this engorgement and consistent pain. The only time I feel any comfort is flat on my back and asleep...so needless to say...I've been sleeping my life away.

We all know I'm full of it but there are certain reasons that may prevent them from following through with the procedure...it could be that the fluid is in various pockets and not one major area to tap into...or it could be that the fluid is entwined with a bunch of bowel loops making it too dangerous to go after. If Interventional Radiology denies our request...Dr. D. says the only other option would be to perform surgery on me again. She would go after the masses and anything else she could do to clean me up.

I'm a little freaked out about another surgery so soon...I just went under the knife at the end of July...the memories of that bad trip are still fresh in my mind. Right now, I'm looking for some drainage relief followed by chemo...then we can talk about another surgery on down the road.

So that's what we'll do...if they drain...it's business as usual...if they don't...I'm going under the knife...again.

From the Depths of My Cocoon...

I think I've finally seen the light...and it's called 2 Fentanyl patches...(pAin killerS). I'm filled to the rim with fluid and I finally broke through the pain barrier today...only took a week. I always begin with Advil...if that's not cuttin' it...I request something stronger. Hydrocodone came 1st...which I don't understand how anybody gets addicted to those things...they make you feel like shit in the pit of your bowel and then it locks the door on ya...then you have to take something else to fix that problem. There are not many worse feelings then being as bloated as an engorged tick...weighing more than most...and then lodging a huge rock into my gut. It's actually one incredibly uncomfortable situation.

Next was Darvocet...briefly...my moaning got me an upgrade pretty quick. (Moaning. What does it bring to the table when you're in pain?) I don't know but I sure do it a lot...it did get me my patches...which are good for 72 hours instead of horse pills every 4 to 6...that alone is a gift to the belly. It's definitely helped cut through the kajillion stomach crunches feeling. I swear deep under all this lovin' I must have washboard abs somewhere in there by now!

Monday I see Dr. D...we'll get something figured out...I've paid my dues this past week...I want to be drained damnit!

For today...I'm alive again...just writing it out.

My Cats have been Scanned...

To answer everyone's question of "How you doing?"

"If I were any better, I'd be a little better."

It hasn't been a great week...Tuesday my cats were scanned...got to drink a bunch of shit that lives up to its name. By noon the next day, I struggled to get out of bed...I was so weak...I hadn't consumed food or beverage for over a 16 hour period. Not very smart on my part...I let myself get dehydrated...and had to call my mommy to bring me some Immodium AD...that along with Gatorade and water seemed to do the trick.

CAT Scan didn't show what I wanted to hear...(after translation)...basically, I still have a mass on the right abdominal wall...it has remained the same...the one above my bladder has grown a couple more cm...I had to ask to convert that to inches for me and I was told it's basically the size of a baseball. Surgery will probably be an option down the road...right now, we are staying on course to find a chemo regiment that's going to do me some good...too early to tell on this new stuff...(story of my life right now).

It also showed an increase in body fluid...which I could tell...I've been having the same problems I had when I was first diagnosed. It feels like I've done a million stomach crunches...sore all over...my abdomen feels bloated and as tight as a tick ready to pop...(which reminds me of a funny story I'll write about in a minute). Anyway, I've been pretty miserable and uncomfortable the last few days.

This morning they did an ultra sound to see if there was enough fluid to go in and drain...according to the
Dr...there wasn't yet...I beg to differ but what are you gonna do...pop a couple pain killers and mask the problem for awhile.

At least the fluids are not entering my lung right now...(they've changed course on me instead)...still struggling a little with the breathing...I can tell it's better...still may take a month or so to truly know if that whole ordeal worked out in my favor or not...I don't plan on holding my breath to find out.

The Tick Story...

I was about Zoey's age when I found this huge blood filled tick on my dog Fritz. It had probably been on him for a week...it was so engorged that it's head couldn't hold onto his skin anymore...I just found him wallowing around on the dog. I picked him off and ran into my mom's room where she was getting ready for work in the bathroom.

"Mom, look at this tick I found on Fritz!"

She skwirmed and looked away in disgust but sternly commanded, "JoAndrea...get rid of that thing now!"


I flushed him down the toilet and returned to my breakfast in the kitchen. I was eating Raisin Bran at the time and couldn't help but notice how much the raisins looked like big ole fat ticks. I chuckled to myself as I sucked the sugar off one of them and ran back to Mom..........

"Mom, look I found another one!"

"They are disgusting...just get rid of it!"

"Okay..." so I popped it into my mouth and began to chew as her face turned a cool shade of green and she almost puked in her hands...mission accomplished!

Alright Already...

Everybody stop your bitchin'...well not everyone...okay, the few who have complained because I haven't written lately. What can I say? Not much excitment to write about...no news is good news...right?!

I started new chemo last Thursday...they said my CA125 was 333...down a little from 362...the new treatment may cause the numbers to go up before going down...I will try to be patient...and I'm suppose to stay cool...thank you mother nature for making it easier for me in that department!

Still fighting an infection of some sort...more antibotics have been issued. Other than that, I went back to work last week...I thought I would have forgotten the process but it crept back up on me and it was good to be among the crew again...especially on a Stroud's lunch Friday!

Tomorrow (Tuesday), I will have a CAT Scan done to check out the innerds...I'll keep you all posted.