I'm Baaaccckkkkkk.....

A week ago today, I arrived for the show at 6:15am...time to prep...one of my co-stars is the very cute...Nurse Jason...we bond. Props are in place...the shows about to begin.

Fade into black..."Good night Nurse Jason and good luck to you Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude".
Hey wait you guys...I can feel you starting to stick that tube down my throat...I don't think I'm asleep yet here.
If I could just open my eyes or raise a hand...excuse me...I'm still with ya all and I really don't want to be...this is a scary place...keep trying to move something...mind over matter...(bullshit)...I'm frozen here...finally a fade to black.

Sounds fade back in...lights up...I'm baaaccckkkkk...I'm alive!
Bad timing to come out from the fog...tube still in my throat...I'm not liking this scene...at least I had my motion back...my sign language was very clear...get this thing out of my throat! Oh, so you're gonna cop a Zoey attitude on me and make me repeat myself...I'M TRYING TO GESTURE NICELY HERE....GET THIS THING OUT OF MY THROAT AND DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!

There was a clock right in front of me that was my focal point...this is not cool...not to mention my pain was at a "9" and they weren't doing much about that yet either...20 MINUTES LATER they heed my FINAL warning...I'M ABOUT TO YANK THIS DAMN THING OUT MYSELF...finally! Thanks for leaving me hanging there...Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude...now lets just leave me at a "9" for 20 more minutes...where's my Nurse Jason...I don't see him anywhere...he wouldn't do this to me.

Finally, the machine that hooks you up to the pump...the pump with the button I get to coddle in my hand...control my own destiny with pain...awwwwww....it's my old friend...Mr. Morphin Button. You can call on Mr. M.'s service as much as you want but it will only beep of success every 8 minutes...lucky for me...there's another clock straight ahead in my room.

By 2pm, I was feeling much better...by 5pm they had me up in a chair eating real food. It wasn't until about 8pm when Dr. Longbeard's surgery drugs faded completely away...my voice was horse and my throat felt like it was assaulted by a big mean tuby-thing.

Denny and Uncle Rusty both stopped by to help clock my 8 minutes for me...the later it got...the more the pain increased...now I've got the chills and my teeth are chattering. One of my visitors had a friendly chat with the nurse and soon more drugs were given and Mr. M.'s dose was bumped up.

103 temperature...I remember Hottle Mann reporting back earlier of possible fever side effects from the Talc...she's never steered me wrong...(at least not when it comes to medical issues). I fought a good battle that night...I was wringing wet but round one goes to me!

Friday...I was fed and walked 3 times today...even awarded "The Patient with the Most Tubes"...yeah for me!
It wasn't any easy task walking me...we had to contend with the following obstacles:
* My feet
* Heart monitor
* Oygen tube
* Chest tube
* Pump tube for the Chest tube
* Pee tube
* (and lets not forget) Mr. Morphin tube...all while pushing a shopping cart! I don't know if they steal those things or what...but this one belonged to Dillon's.

Saturday...fought another fever through the night...woke up sweaty to the sight of...Nurse Jason...he was back to take care of me today. We got to know each other better...he just graduated from Nursing School in Arkansas...passed his boards 2 weeks ago...(started shaving last week)...was born the year I graduated college...moved up here with his fiance who's starting dental school this fall...enough about Nurse Jason...we had a good day together.

Nights still aren't great...between fevers...shortness of breath...annoying wheezing from my throat...and coughing a sore lung up...it was a party!

Sunday...was good...freed from a few tubes...I started to feel like a human again. Mom and I lounged...watched bad TV...and worked crossword puzzles all day.

Monday...flat out sucked! Shortness of breath and wheezing are pushing me to the edge...and by the way, why the hell is this not working??!!!! I'd just as soon forget about this day entirely.

Tuesday...they remove the chest tube in the morning and added a different one by afternoon...still pockets of fluid causing the shortness of breath...had to move to a different spot...this shit's getting old...I was spent! I just want to go home. Zoey had a great time on the float trip and with the Mann's but she's ready to come home too. I know Tracy's been long awaiting our return...(she watches our dogs)!

Wednesday...offer was made to send me home with a portable chest tube bag and a home health care person...Done Deal! I get to carry it with me everywhere but no problem...and really no choice...it is sticking out the side of my body right now...whatever...just get me home!

It took about 8 hours...but I made it home again...Zoey was there within 20 minutes...full of hugs and very talkative...dogs were excited as you can imagine...and I felt 10x better just being back with my family!