Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Feels Good to Feel Good!
It's been awhile...but I was back this past weekend! Friday night my mom hung out with Zoey while I went out to play with the big kids. I played hard...75th St. Brewery for dinner with Group Therapy...followed by a visit to Mike's Tavern on 54th & Troost. Mark Ruhl's band was playing there...Moonshine Romance...good lookin' group of guys!
"Mark the Drummer"...I ran in the place and screamed like a groupie when I saw him...embarrassed the hell out of him but he loved it...doesn't every rocker? They are rockers too...all original music...sounded good...reminded me of Foo Fighters a bit...would like to check out their lyrics sometime. It was a great night...I felt like a normal human being again...played hard from 7 to 11...crashed even harder.
Saturday was just as great...I felt good...had lunch with the Bird girls...went into work for a bit...napped...spent the rest of the evening taking up space on the McVay couch watching OU stampede over MU for the Big 12 Championship. We got tired of the thrashing so they ordered the De La Hoya fight and was let down there too. Everyone I cheered on lost this weekend...oh well...there's always the Chiefs tomorrow...heeheehee.
Sunday, I went to church and it's still standing...I like the meditational prayer we did...rejuvenated my spirit. Still feeling good...I actually did a little house cleaning...napped some more...watched the Chiefs game at the Colwell's...they lost too...but Nick & Starr won The Amazing Race...so all is well with the world!
"Mark the Drummer"...I ran in the place and screamed like a groupie when I saw him...embarrassed the hell out of him but he loved it...doesn't every rocker? They are rockers too...all original music...sounded good...reminded me of Foo Fighters a bit...would like to check out their lyrics sometime. It was a great night...I felt like a normal human being again...played hard from 7 to 11...crashed even harder.
Saturday was just as great...I felt good...had lunch with the Bird girls...went into work for a bit...napped...spent the rest of the evening taking up space on the McVay couch watching OU stampede over MU for the Big 12 Championship. We got tired of the thrashing so they ordered the De La Hoya fight and was let down there too. Everyone I cheered on lost this weekend...oh well...there's always the Chiefs tomorrow...heeheehee.
Sunday, I went to church and it's still standing...I like the meditational prayer we did...rejuvenated my spirit. Still feeling good...I actually did a little house cleaning...napped some more...watched the Chiefs game at the Colwell's...they lost too...but Nick & Starr won The Amazing Race...so all is well with the world!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Better! Better get a Bucket...
It's been a couple weeks since I've written...sorry about that...don't give up on me though...I'm still hanging tough! I may not always feel like writing but it all comes back around eventually. As you can probably tell or have already heard...I am feeling better right now.
Ah, the holidays...started with a bang!
This was the 1st Thanksgiving with all the 1st cousins from the Elleman side of the family since the 80's!
Still crazy after all these years!
This was the scene before digestion began...or tried to begin.
Thanksgiving dinner went down pretty well...I just had a tad of everything...but even that was more than my system was use to eating. I moaned awhile before going home...there the moaning got worse...I moaned in bed...I moaned in the bathroom...I threw in some gags trying to make myself sick about a dozen times...no go...I moaned to the doctor on call...I was soon moaning to my mom over the phone...time to take another trip to the emergency room. She arrived in moments with all the cousins following behind.
It was close to 10pm...but the ER got me right in...(one of the perks of cancer)..."Must be me in the front row."
Relief was soon on the way...pain meds distributed...x-rays and scans began. Obstructed bowel was the verdict and admittance was to follow. It was after 2am when I arrived to see my buddies on Main 5 - The Cancer Institute. I was feeling relief...we'd wait 'til morning to see what the Dr. suggests. By 4am...Mom and I get some in and out shut eye... before Doctors were storming in...flipping on lights...hollering about eating too much turkey...then barking orders.
The nurses were instructed: Up the nose with a plastic hose...and down the back of the throat into my stomach. I won't go into any more details but my system was cleaned out. The goal was to decompress my innerds...rest the bowel...nothing to eat or drink...throw in an ice chip here or there...let the kink work itself out...and it was highly unlikely that I would be leaving that day. Please keep in mind...it is now Friday after Thanksgiving...one of the biggest nights of the year for me...especially this year.
This evening was to be the:
T-shirts had been printed and caters were cooking...The Party Must Go On...without me!
It did.
I slept through most of it...in and out between the late night drunk dialers...I was missed and it sounds like I missed a BiG oNe! It is estimated that over 100 people were in attendance. For those who were there...from the old neighborhood to high school to family and the best of friends...thank you...I love you all!
Ah, the holidays...started with a bang!
This was the 1st Thanksgiving with all the 1st cousins from the Elleman side of the family since the 80's!Still crazy after all these years!
This was the scene before digestion began...or tried to begin.
Thanksgiving dinner went down pretty well...I just had a tad of everything...but even that was more than my system was use to eating. I moaned awhile before going home...there the moaning got worse...I moaned in bed...I moaned in the bathroom...I threw in some gags trying to make myself sick about a dozen times...no go...I moaned to the doctor on call...I was soon moaning to my mom over the phone...time to take another trip to the emergency room. She arrived in moments with all the cousins following behind.
It was close to 10pm...but the ER got me right in...(one of the perks of cancer)..."Must be me in the front row."
Relief was soon on the way...pain meds distributed...x-rays and scans began. Obstructed bowel was the verdict and admittance was to follow. It was after 2am when I arrived to see my buddies on Main 5 - The Cancer Institute. I was feeling relief...we'd wait 'til morning to see what the Dr. suggests. By 4am...Mom and I get some in and out shut eye... before Doctors were storming in...flipping on lights...hollering about eating too much turkey...then barking orders.
The nurses were instructed: Up the nose with a plastic hose...and down the back of the throat into my stomach. I won't go into any more details but my system was cleaned out. The goal was to decompress my innerds...rest the bowel...nothing to eat or drink...throw in an ice chip here or there...let the kink work itself out...and it was highly unlikely that I would be leaving that day. Please keep in mind...it is now Friday after Thanksgiving...one of the biggest nights of the year for me...especially this year.
This evening was to be the:
T-shirts had been printed and caters were cooking...The Party Must Go On...without me!
It did.
I slept through most of it...in and out between the late night drunk dialers...I was missed and it sounds like I missed a BiG oNe! It is estimated that over 100 people were in attendance. For those who were there...from the old neighborhood to high school to family and the best of friends...thank you...I love you all!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thank God for Football...
I would have gone crazy had football not been on this weekend...I'm not sure what I'll do when the season's over...maybe...get off my fat butt and do something!
That's all I did all weekend...watch college games on Saturday and NFL on Sunday...(not unlike most men out there)...no wonder my kid can't stand football. I tried getting out Saturday night...the Scott's, Backous' & McVay's went to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrated Kyle's making of the basketball team...special shout out to Kyle Michael...WaWho!
Zoey and Katey went into there special world together...I tried a beer...it didn't like me much...then all the commotion...MU vs. Iowa St. on every big screen...place packed to the gills...wings flying out to all the tables with a dozen different sauce flavors mixing in the air...overstimulating my senses...making me want to puke!
I tried joining the smokers outside for some fresh air...(is that ironic or an oxymoron?)...it didn't seem to work. Once we returned to the table...food was being served...first thing I did was scan the table and saw an empty beer glass within reach just in case...I quickly asked for my potato wedges to go...pawned my child off on a friend for the night...then gracefully bowed out of the joint before my stomach bowed out on the table.
I was better once I got home...crawled in my bed...and slept until the Chiefs' game the next day.
I should have just kept on sleeping..............
That's all I did all weekend...watch college games on Saturday and NFL on Sunday...(not unlike most men out there)...no wonder my kid can't stand football. I tried getting out Saturday night...the Scott's, Backous' & McVay's went to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrated Kyle's making of the basketball team...special shout out to Kyle Michael...WaWho!
Zoey and Katey went into there special world together...I tried a beer...it didn't like me much...then all the commotion...MU vs. Iowa St. on every big screen...place packed to the gills...wings flying out to all the tables with a dozen different sauce flavors mixing in the air...overstimulating my senses...making me want to puke!
I tried joining the smokers outside for some fresh air...(is that ironic or an oxymoron?)...it didn't seem to work. Once we returned to the table...food was being served...first thing I did was scan the table and saw an empty beer glass within reach just in case...I quickly asked for my potato wedges to go...pawned my child off on a friend for the night...then gracefully bowed out of the joint before my stomach bowed out on the table.
I was better once I got home...crawled in my bed...and slept until the Chiefs' game the next day.
I should have just kept on sleeping..............
Monday, November 10, 2008
Back Amongst the Living...
Last weeks chemo round wasn't as bad as the 1st round...I wasn't as sick in the nausea department but I sure did pumped out the zzzzzz's! I could have slept straight through Thursday & Friday of last week...almost did...but I'm coming around now...didn't even nap once on Sunday! I think I may be able to stay awake long enough to go back to work for a bit this week...call me crazy...but it sounds like fun...(shows you how exciting my life has been lately)!
Monday, November 3, 2008
CA125 = 449!
Before my surgery less than a month ago...my CA125 was over 1900...the high reading was due to all the fluid that was in my body. Once that was all removed...followed by my 1st round of chemo...ChemoMan did some ass kicking and it dropped to 449!
Round 1 was definitely successful at killing off all my hair cells. I tried hanging on as long as I could but once the hair covered my pillow and woke me up in the middle of the night because it was in my mouth...I said "bye bye". Tracy & Zoey did the honors...cut and clipped as low as possible...Mom and I finished it off last night with old fashion shaving cream and a triple bladed razor...smooth as a baby's butt!
I'm heading into the hospital today so ChemoMan can continue on his conquest...Round 2 should be about 36 hours...not sure if I'll be home late Tuesday or early Wednesday...whatever the case...I'll be there visualizing yet another successful battle.
Round 1 was definitely successful at killing off all my hair cells. I tried hanging on as long as I could but once the hair covered my pillow and woke me up in the middle of the night because it was in my mouth...I said "bye bye". Tracy & Zoey did the honors...cut and clipped as low as possible...Mom and I finished it off last night with old fashion shaving cream and a triple bladed razor...smooth as a baby's butt!
I'm heading into the hospital today so ChemoMan can continue on his conquest...Round 2 should be about 36 hours...not sure if I'll be home late Tuesday or early Wednesday...whatever the case...I'll be there visualizing yet another successful battle.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Say Goodbye to my Hair...Again!
Never been bald during winter...this should be fun!
Apparently the chemo is working...I'm definitely loosing my hair...in droves down south...still hanging tight and being gentle with the northern hemisphere...but it too will be gone soon.
I also believe that the crappier I feel after chemo...the better ChemoMan's mission is going. He's down there just reaking havoc with no mercy on those weak ass cells...kill 'em all ChemoMan...kill 'em all!
So as crappy as I felt after the 1st round...I'm confident this last battle was won by the good guys...round 2 is coming up on Monday...I'll be in the hospital about 36 hours or so. I don't expect this round to be as bad...I was just off surgery when they hit me with the 1st dose...but I asked for it. BRING IT ON!
Apparently the chemo is working...I'm definitely loosing my hair...in droves down south...still hanging tight and being gentle with the northern hemisphere...but it too will be gone soon.
I also believe that the crappier I feel after chemo...the better ChemoMan's mission is going. He's down there just reaking havoc with no mercy on those weak ass cells...kill 'em all ChemoMan...kill 'em all!
So as crappy as I felt after the 1st round...I'm confident this last battle was won by the good guys...round 2 is coming up on Monday...I'll be in the hospital about 36 hours or so. I don't expect this round to be as bad...I was just off surgery when they hit me with the 1st dose...but I asked for it. BRING IT ON!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Overdue Update...Oct. 23, 2008
Sorry I haven't kept you all updated lately...but most of you know what has been going on. Surgery was 2 weeks ago...Dr. D. wasn't able to get rid of the cancer physically so we will attack it chemically! She was able to put a drain in my abdomen so that excessive fluid will no longer weigh me down...losing 30 lbs. of fluid alone is a huge deal for how I'm feeling right now. Apparently, cancer cells produce this fluid...I can't tell you how uncomfortable I've been for weeks prior to surgery..."not enough to drain"...my ass! She drained 6 liters which is equivalent to 24 pounds of fluid all in my abdomen...surrounding my stomach...suffocating my lungs...running down my thighs...bloating my calves...swelling my eyes...it's been the best party of them all!
The drain she installed is a tube that protrudes from my abdomen and runs into a bag that Velcros around my calf...I can drain it anytime. It will also helps us to indicate if chemo is working...fluid is one of the first things that chemo clears up...so we will be monitoring that and my CA125 very closely. So far, I've been draining about a beer can a day.
I had surgery on Wednesday 10/08...chemo in the hospital the following Monday. I watched the movie "IronMan" the night before chemo and I imagined IronMan being ChemoMan inside my body...blasting away all the cancer! I told my Dr.'s therapist and the next day she came in with a gift...it was an IronMan action figure. He's sitting next to me right now as I type...reminding me to visualize the casualties of cancer cells exiting my body.
Monday...they started pre-meds in the morning about 9am...then the Taxol cocktail for 24 hours at about 4pm. It ran through me until the following afternoon...then they gave me 2 hours of fluid...followed by the 2nd cocktail they poured through my port for a couple hours...chase that all with 2 more hours of fluid. I was done by Tuesday night about 9pm. All in all...the 36 hour chemo treatment went pretty well...they let me out Wednesday AM...I was ready to get home to be with my kid! My niece, Katie Jo, came in town on Thursday...her and Mom stayed at my house with us. It was great having her around and I felt pretty good until Saturday...that's when the steroids wore off and the nausea began. In the past, I've never had much nausea to speak of...I'm getting a taste of it now.
Today is Thursday...the morning went well...that time of day usually is my worst. Nausea has just started to sink in a little after lunch...but not nearly as bad as it has been...I'm turning the corner. I will be doing 30 hour chemo treatments in the hospital once every 3 weeks...next time will be Nov. 3rd.
My stomach has definitely shrunk and I get scared about eating...but I have and I'm feeling stronger everyday!
It's so much easier to feel positive when your heart and stomach are no longer in the pit of your gut.
The drain she installed is a tube that protrudes from my abdomen and runs into a bag that Velcros around my calf...I can drain it anytime. It will also helps us to indicate if chemo is working...fluid is one of the first things that chemo clears up...so we will be monitoring that and my CA125 very closely. So far, I've been draining about a beer can a day.
I had surgery on Wednesday 10/08...chemo in the hospital the following Monday. I watched the movie "IronMan" the night before chemo and I imagined IronMan being ChemoMan inside my body...blasting away all the cancer! I told my Dr.'s therapist and the next day she came in with a gift...it was an IronMan action figure. He's sitting next to me right now as I type...reminding me to visualize the casualties of cancer cells exiting my body.
Monday...they started pre-meds in the morning about 9am...then the Taxol cocktail for 24 hours at about 4pm. It ran through me until the following afternoon...then they gave me 2 hours of fluid...followed by the 2nd cocktail they poured through my port for a couple hours...chase that all with 2 more hours of fluid. I was done by Tuesday night about 9pm. All in all...the 36 hour chemo treatment went pretty well...they let me out Wednesday AM...I was ready to get home to be with my kid! My niece, Katie Jo, came in town on Thursday...her and Mom stayed at my house with us. It was great having her around and I felt pretty good until Saturday...that's when the steroids wore off and the nausea began. In the past, I've never had much nausea to speak of...I'm getting a taste of it now.
Today is Thursday...the morning went well...that time of day usually is my worst. Nausea has just started to sink in a little after lunch...but not nearly as bad as it has been...I'm turning the corner. I will be doing 30 hour chemo treatments in the hospital once every 3 weeks...next time will be Nov. 3rd.
My stomach has definitely shrunk and I get scared about eating...but I have and I'm feeling stronger everyday!
It's so much easier to feel positive when your heart and stomach are no longer in the pit of your gut.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Dig Deep.......
Surgery is scheduled for October 8th...less than a couple weeks away...not looking forward to it so we have decided to get the hell out of Dodge!
The Swirks' have invited Zoey and I to join them for some time on Madeline Island. They have a cabin in the woods...on a cliff that overlooks Lake Superior...at the edge of the cliff is a fire pit...where I can soon be found sitting in my camping chair...bringing in the fall and all it's beauty...watching leaves drop all around. Time to retrain my brain!
Rethink...Refocus...Regenerate...Relax...Recall...just Redo it all.
Dig Deep...and Relocate that positive, beautiful and healthy soul within!
We'll be back a day or so before the surgery...until then...we are out of here!
The Swirks' have invited Zoey and I to join them for some time on Madeline Island. They have a cabin in the woods...on a cliff that overlooks Lake Superior...at the edge of the cliff is a fire pit...where I can soon be found sitting in my camping chair...bringing in the fall and all it's beauty...watching leaves drop all around. Time to retrain my brain!
Rethink...Refocus...Regenerate...Relax...Recall...just Redo it all.
Dig Deep...and Relocate that positive, beautiful and healthy soul within!
We'll be back a day or so before the surgery...until then...we are out of here!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Denied Drainage...
I was looking forward to getting a little relief...instead I got shut out.
Great...that means I have to see what's behind Door #2.........Surgery..........Lucky me!
I was bummed...I really could use some immediate relief...and it would be nice to feel some comfort once again.
Since that's not gonna happen soon enough...I had to suck it up and look at the big picture.
In the long run...it will be for the best...but the thought of having my 4th surgery within 2 months of #3 is freakin' me out a bit...especially since #3 was a nightmare recovery.
Dr. D. wants to go in...remove the masses and get me all cleaned up inside. She is truly limited in seeing what's going on with my innerds unless she is physically inside me...sounds preverted but that's where she does her magic. My greatest fear right now is that she'll open me up and sow me right back together again...so let's all pray for Dr. D. to dig deep and remove every seed of cancer she can find!
Great...that means I have to see what's behind Door #2.........Surgery..........Lucky me!
I was bummed...I really could use some immediate relief...and it would be nice to feel some comfort once again.
Since that's not gonna happen soon enough...I had to suck it up and look at the big picture.
In the long run...it will be for the best...but the thought of having my 4th surgery within 2 months of #3 is freakin' me out a bit...especially since #3 was a nightmare recovery.
Dr. D. wants to go in...remove the masses and get me all cleaned up inside. She is truly limited in seeing what's going on with my innerds unless she is physically inside me...sounds preverted but that's where she does her magic. My greatest fear right now is that she'll open me up and sow me right back together again...so let's all pray for Dr. D. to dig deep and remove every seed of cancer she can find!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Drainage or Surgery...
I saw Dr. D. yesterday...she examined me and felt my pain. She couldn't understand why the CAT Scan showed an increase of fluid in the abdomen yet Radiology wouldn't drain anything.
They scheduled me for an appointment Thursday AM with Interventional Radiology (they're a step above Radiology...cooler toys). They will hopefully be able to find a good enough size pocket of fluid to drain this time. Better be...I can't imagine going much longer with all this engorgement and consistent pain. The only time I feel any comfort is flat on my back and asleep...so needless to say...I've been sleeping my life away.
We all know I'm full of it but there are certain reasons that may prevent them from following through with the procedure...it could be that the fluid is in various pockets and not one major area to tap into...or it could be that the fluid is entwined with a bunch of bowel loops making it too dangerous to go after. If Interventional Radiology denies our request...Dr. D. says the only other option would be to perform surgery on me again. She would go after the masses and anything else she could do to clean me up.
I'm a little freaked out about another surgery so soon...I just went under the knife at the end of July...the memories of that bad trip are still fresh in my mind. Right now, I'm looking for some drainage relief followed by chemo...then we can talk about another surgery on down the road.
So that's what we'll do...if they drain...it's business as usual...if they don't...I'm going under the knife...again.
They scheduled me for an appointment Thursday AM with Interventional Radiology (they're a step above Radiology...cooler toys). They will hopefully be able to find a good enough size pocket of fluid to drain this time. Better be...I can't imagine going much longer with all this engorgement and consistent pain. The only time I feel any comfort is flat on my back and asleep...so needless to say...I've been sleeping my life away.
We all know I'm full of it but there are certain reasons that may prevent them from following through with the procedure...it could be that the fluid is in various pockets and not one major area to tap into...or it could be that the fluid is entwined with a bunch of bowel loops making it too dangerous to go after. If Interventional Radiology denies our request...Dr. D. says the only other option would be to perform surgery on me again. She would go after the masses and anything else she could do to clean me up.
I'm a little freaked out about another surgery so soon...I just went under the knife at the end of July...the memories of that bad trip are still fresh in my mind. Right now, I'm looking for some drainage relief followed by chemo...then we can talk about another surgery on down the road.
So that's what we'll do...if they drain...it's business as usual...if they don't...I'm going under the knife...again.
Friday, September 19, 2008
From the Depths of My Cocoon...
I think I've finally seen the light...and it's called 2 Fentanyl patches...(pAin killerS). I'm filled to the rim with fluid and I finally broke through the pain barrier today...only took a week. I always begin with Advil...if that's not cuttin' it...I request something stronger. Hydrocodone came 1st...which I don't understand how anybody gets addicted to those things...they make you feel like shit in the pit of your bowel and then it locks the door on ya...then you have to take something else to fix that problem. There are not many worse feelings then being as bloated as an engorged tick...weighing more than most...and then lodging a huge rock into my gut. It's actually one incredibly uncomfortable situation.
Next was Darvocet...briefly...my moaning got me an upgrade pretty quick. (Moaning. What does it bring to the table when you're in pain?) I don't know but I sure do it a lot...it did get me my patches...which are good for 72 hours instead of horse pills every 4 to 6...that alone is a gift to the belly. It's definitely helped cut through the kajillion stomach crunches feeling. I swear deep under all this lovin' I must have washboard abs somewhere in there by now!
Monday I see Dr. D...we'll get something figured out...I've paid my dues this past week...I want to be drained damnit!
For today...I'm alive again...just writing it out.
Next was Darvocet...briefly...my moaning got me an upgrade pretty quick. (Moaning. What does it bring to the table when you're in pain?) I don't know but I sure do it a lot...it did get me my patches...which are good for 72 hours instead of horse pills every 4 to 6...that alone is a gift to the belly. It's definitely helped cut through the kajillion stomach crunches feeling. I swear deep under all this lovin' I must have washboard abs somewhere in there by now!
Monday I see Dr. D...we'll get something figured out...I've paid my dues this past week...I want to be drained damnit!
For today...I'm alive again...just writing it out.
Friday, September 12, 2008
My Cats have been Scanned...
To answer everyone's question of "How you doing?"
"If I were any better, I'd be a little better."
It hasn't been a great week...Tuesday my cats were scanned...got to drink a bunch of shit that lives up to its name. By noon the next day, I struggled to get out of bed...I was so weak...I hadn't consumed food or beverage for over a 16 hour period. Not very smart on my part...I let myself get dehydrated...and had to call my mommy to bring me some Immodium AD...that along with Gatorade and water seemed to do the trick.
CAT Scan didn't show what I wanted to hear...(after translation)...basically, I still have a mass on the right abdominal wall...it has remained the same...the one above my bladder has grown a couple more cm...I had to ask to convert that to inches for me and I was told it's basically the size of a baseball. Surgery will probably be an option down the road...right now, we are staying on course to find a chemo regiment that's going to do me some good...too early to tell on this new stuff...(story of my life right now).
It also showed an increase in body fluid...which I could tell...I've been having the same problems I had when I was first diagnosed. It feels like I've done a million stomach crunches...sore all over...my abdomen feels bloated and as tight as a tick ready to pop...(which reminds me of a funny story I'll write about in a minute). Anyway, I've been pretty miserable and uncomfortable the last few days.
This morning they did an ultra sound to see if there was enough fluid to go in and drain...according to the
Dr...there wasn't yet...I beg to differ but what are you gonna do...pop a couple pain killers and mask the problem for awhile.
At least the fluids are not entering my lung right now...(they've changed course on me instead)...still struggling a little with the breathing...I can tell it's better...still may take a month or so to truly know if that whole ordeal worked out in my favor or not...I don't plan on holding my breath to find out.
"If I were any better, I'd be a little better."
It hasn't been a great week...Tuesday my cats were scanned...got to drink a bunch of shit that lives up to its name. By noon the next day, I struggled to get out of bed...I was so weak...I hadn't consumed food or beverage for over a 16 hour period. Not very smart on my part...I let myself get dehydrated...and had to call my mommy to bring me some Immodium AD...that along with Gatorade and water seemed to do the trick.
CAT Scan didn't show what I wanted to hear...(after translation)...basically, I still have a mass on the right abdominal wall...it has remained the same...the one above my bladder has grown a couple more cm...I had to ask to convert that to inches for me and I was told it's basically the size of a baseball. Surgery will probably be an option down the road...right now, we are staying on course to find a chemo regiment that's going to do me some good...too early to tell on this new stuff...(story of my life right now).
It also showed an increase in body fluid...which I could tell...I've been having the same problems I had when I was first diagnosed. It feels like I've done a million stomach crunches...sore all over...my abdomen feels bloated and as tight as a tick ready to pop...(which reminds me of a funny story I'll write about in a minute). Anyway, I've been pretty miserable and uncomfortable the last few days.
This morning they did an ultra sound to see if there was enough fluid to go in and drain...according to the
Dr...there wasn't yet...I beg to differ but what are you gonna do...pop a couple pain killers and mask the problem for awhile.
At least the fluids are not entering my lung right now...(they've changed course on me instead)...still struggling a little with the breathing...I can tell it's better...still may take a month or so to truly know if that whole ordeal worked out in my favor or not...I don't plan on holding my breath to find out.
The Tick Story...
I was about Zoey's age when I found this huge blood filled tick on my dog Fritz. It had probably been on him for a week...it was so engorged that it's head couldn't hold onto his skin anymore...I just found him wallowing around on the dog. I picked him off and ran into my mom's room where she was getting ready for work in the bathroom.
"Mom, look at this tick I found on Fritz!"
She skwirmed and looked away in disgust but sternly commanded, "JoAndrea...get rid of that thing now!"
I flushed him down the toilet and returned to my breakfast in the kitchen. I was eating Raisin Bran at the time and couldn't help but notice how much the raisins looked like big ole fat ticks. I chuckled to myself as I sucked the sugar off one of them and ran back to Mom..........
"Mom, look I found another one!"
"They are disgusting...just get rid of it!"
"Okay..." so I popped it into my mouth and began to chew as her face turned a cool shade of green and she almost puked in her hands...mission accomplished!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Alright Already...
Everybody stop your bitchin'...well not everyone...okay, the few who have complained because I haven't written lately. What can I say? Not much excitment to write about...no news is good news...right?!
I started new chemo last Thursday...they said my CA125 was 333...down a little from 362...the new treatment may cause the numbers to go up before going down...I will try to be patient...and I'm suppose to stay cool...thank you mother nature for making it easier for me in that department!
Still fighting an infection of some sort...more antibotics have been issued. Other than that, I went back to work last week...I thought I would have forgotten the process but it crept back up on me and it was good to be among the crew again...especially on a Stroud's lunch Friday!
Tomorrow (Tuesday), I will have a CAT Scan done to check out the innerds...I'll keep you all posted.
I started new chemo last Thursday...they said my CA125 was 333...down a little from 362...the new treatment may cause the numbers to go up before going down...I will try to be patient...and I'm suppose to stay cool...thank you mother nature for making it easier for me in that department!
Still fighting an infection of some sort...more antibotics have been issued. Other than that, I went back to work last week...I thought I would have forgotten the process but it crept back up on me and it was good to be among the crew again...especially on a Stroud's lunch Friday!
Tomorrow (Tuesday), I will have a CAT Scan done to check out the innerds...I'll keep you all posted.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
"No Chemo for You!"...(damn chemo Nazi's)
Okay...I guess we are changing up the regiment after all...new cocktail...Doxil. I was suppose to have chemo today but the key to withstanding this drug is to stay cool...since "cool" is my middle name...I thought...no problem. Then I hear you have to keep your "body" cool...stay out of the heat and sun...take cool showers...soak feet often in cool water...all kinds of crap that doesn't gel well with summer. Not really cool when you plan to go on a float trip for the weekend. Zoey and I along with a whole group of friends have been looking forward to this trip for some time now. I don't plan on disappointing anyone including myself but especially my Zoey...we've been through to much lately...so once again, we postponed chemo until next week.
Doxil will be given only once a month...which is a bonus...but it can cause some funky side effects...the main one being a skin reaction called "Hand - Foot Syndrome". Sores and blisters that usually occur in the palms of the hands and soles of the feet...it can also occur on parts of the body where your clothes may be tight or where friction, pressure, rubbing and sweating occur...which is everywhere on me! Also, can cause sores in the mouth, fatigue and other fun side effects...but hair loss and nausea are not that common...which is another plus in my book.
I saw my Pulmonary Dr. today...he thought everything looked good...he feels that the procedure was successful but still too early to tell for sure...it could be a couple more months before I'm 100% healed from this lovely lung surgery. As of the beginning of this week, I do feel better...my breathing is good...still some shortness here and there but I can at least get around without sucking wind. I don't feel like I have fluid in my lung right now and my weight is down which are all good signs.
I plan on going back to work next week...I miss the crew...and I'm feeling up to it again. I just have to play it one day at a time...my positivity is coming back some...it helps to feel somewhat normal again...it's been so long I'm not sure if I'm even close to normal but I'll take where I'm at in this moment and run with it...(or walk very slowly).
Doxil will be given only once a month...which is a bonus...but it can cause some funky side effects...the main one being a skin reaction called "Hand - Foot Syndrome". Sores and blisters that usually occur in the palms of the hands and soles of the feet...it can also occur on parts of the body where your clothes may be tight or where friction, pressure, rubbing and sweating occur...which is everywhere on me! Also, can cause sores in the mouth, fatigue and other fun side effects...but hair loss and nausea are not that common...which is another plus in my book.
I saw my Pulmonary Dr. today...he thought everything looked good...he feels that the procedure was successful but still too early to tell for sure...it could be a couple more months before I'm 100% healed from this lovely lung surgery. As of the beginning of this week, I do feel better...my breathing is good...still some shortness here and there but I can at least get around without sucking wind. I don't feel like I have fluid in my lung right now and my weight is down which are all good signs.
I plan on going back to work next week...I miss the crew...and I'm feeling up to it again. I just have to play it one day at a time...my positivity is coming back some...it helps to feel somewhat normal again...it's been so long I'm not sure if I'm even close to normal but I'll take where I'm at in this moment and run with it...(or walk very slowly).
Monday, August 25, 2008
Laughter is Truly the Best Medicine!
Antibotics are kicking in...I'm finally feeling better! Saturday night, I even went to a friends house for a get together with some girls from high school. I was sober but truly enjoyed watching 40+ year old girls at 2am trying to relive their old cheerleading days by doing cartwheels, round-offs, and "herkies"...(whatever those are). Luckily, I didn't have to drive anyone to the ER with broken bones.
The best part of the night was the laughter...my belly hurt...and it was great medicine for me...I'm very glad I went but the late night took a toll on me yesterday!
This week I have various doctors appointments...I was hoping to get my stitches out today but they were "too busy" for me...(supposedly) I get rid of them tomorrow morning. It's really ridiculous...I've had these stitches in for 26 days now...and the area still looks like crap. If they wouldn't have done such a shitty job stitching me up in the first place, I could have re-bonded with my bra weeks ago and been amongst the public again.
I also have an appointment with Dr. Yagan who is my Pulmonary Dr...the one I like...although he's been on my shit list for referring me to this shitty ass surgeon...he'll be getting an ear full about that crappy call. I'm hoping he'll be able to answer some questions for me...mainly, did this freakin' procedure work or not! As of today, my shortness of breath is not too bad. I ran some errands for the 1st time in ages...got along pretty well...just found myself sucking air a little bit here and there...not nearly as bad as it has been...so I'm keeping my hopes alive...which has been a feat in itself lately.
At this time we are still on for chemo this week...never thought I'd be excited about going to chemo...but I need my juice...scares me going so long without it. I just hope it doesn't kick my butt too hard because...(CALL ME CRAZY)...Zoey and I have plans to go on a float trip with a big group of friends this weekend. On second thought...don't call me crazy...my cell phone minute overage is killing me right now. Not to worry...we're staying at a motel...not in tents...and I actually will NOT be joining them on the river...I'll be the one left behind to read my book along the bank of the river waiting for their return.
The best part of the night was the laughter...my belly hurt...and it was great medicine for me...I'm very glad I went but the late night took a toll on me yesterday!
This week I have various doctors appointments...I was hoping to get my stitches out today but they were "too busy" for me...(supposedly) I get rid of them tomorrow morning. It's really ridiculous...I've had these stitches in for 26 days now...and the area still looks like crap. If they wouldn't have done such a shitty job stitching me up in the first place, I could have re-bonded with my bra weeks ago and been amongst the public again.
I also have an appointment with Dr. Yagan who is my Pulmonary Dr...the one I like...although he's been on my shit list for referring me to this shitty ass surgeon...he'll be getting an ear full about that crappy call. I'm hoping he'll be able to answer some questions for me...mainly, did this freakin' procedure work or not! As of today, my shortness of breath is not too bad. I ran some errands for the 1st time in ages...got along pretty well...just found myself sucking air a little bit here and there...not nearly as bad as it has been...so I'm keeping my hopes alive...which has been a feat in itself lately.
At this time we are still on for chemo this week...never thought I'd be excited about going to chemo...but I need my juice...scares me going so long without it. I just hope it doesn't kick my butt too hard because...(CALL ME CRAZY)...Zoey and I have plans to go on a float trip with a big group of friends this weekend. On second thought...don't call me crazy...my cell phone minute overage is killing me right now. Not to worry...we're staying at a motel...not in tents...and I actually will NOT be joining them on the river...I'll be the one left behind to read my book along the bank of the river waiting for their return.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
5 Weeks...Still No Chemo...
Once again denied chemo this week because of a fever I've been running since Monday night.
Monday I did get my tube removed...that was the highlight of the week. By evening, I had the chills and the sweats and the aches...you name it.
Tuesday, I called the surgeon's office to let them know...left a message at 10:30am...had to call back at 1pm. The nurse had paged the nurse practioner...she was in a transplant and hadn't gotten back to her yet.
An hour later...
"Well, the Chest X-Ray after we removed the tube looked good...your incision doesn't look infected (although it's gaping and the stitches have been in for 21 days now)...have you talked to Oncology?"
So I call Oncology...and they tell me definitely to go back to the surgeon's office.
They called the surgeon's to have a heart to heart...basically, the surgeon's office didn't have anyone there competent enough to see me that day..."she probably caught a bug"...so everyone agreed that I should go the Emergency Room...EXCEPT ME!
I got the run around all day...it was exhausting or was that the shortness of breath accompanied by fatigue and a 102 temperature? I wasn't going anywhere...I'm so sick of doctors and appointments and co-pays!
Wednesday wasn't any better...had to call my mommy to come take care of me...I love my mom so much...she's always there for me.
I decide to call my family doctor to see if he could see me...I JUST NEED AN ANTIBOTIC PEOPLE! Of course, I had to leave a message...then had to call again a couple hours later (since they never called back) to see if he could fit me in. "Oh, I just got a message back from his nurse that you'll just need to come in the morning during our 8-9am walk in hour."
I called old reliable Libby directly...she's the only one I feel like who gives a shit about me in this jungle of medical mayhem. She was very concerned about the fever and shortness of breath...especially after a lung surgery..."Jo, this a post operative situation and they need to address it!" I told her that I've gotten infections from catheters in the past...and peeing stings a bit still...maybe I have an infection from that. She hung up and called their main nurse Nikki...who in turn called me to say, "We are still recommending that you go to the Emergency Room."
Libby called afterwards to say she agreed...Dr. D. even got on phone and said the ER would be the best place to find out what's going on at this point and that I need to go. I value both their opinions so I begrudingly had Mom take me to the ER.
Many tests and x-rays later...I do have a urinary tract infection and possibly a little pnemonia "but it's hard to tell for sure with fluid in the lung". Great fluid in the lung...just what I wanted to hear! I've been through 20 days of living hell to hear that there is still fluid in my lung...did this procedure even work? Does my surgeon even know? Doubtful...
$100 co-pay later, the ER sends me home with an ANTIBOTIC...no shit Sherlock! If I pull a Bernie Mac...somebody please sue the freakin' surgeon for me!
Frustration Overcometh!
Monday I did get my tube removed...that was the highlight of the week. By evening, I had the chills and the sweats and the aches...you name it.
Tuesday, I called the surgeon's office to let them know...left a message at 10:30am...had to call back at 1pm. The nurse had paged the nurse practioner...she was in a transplant and hadn't gotten back to her yet.
An hour later...
"Well, the Chest X-Ray after we removed the tube looked good...your incision doesn't look infected (although it's gaping and the stitches have been in for 21 days now)...have you talked to Oncology?"
So I call Oncology...and they tell me definitely to go back to the surgeon's office.
They called the surgeon's to have a heart to heart...basically, the surgeon's office didn't have anyone there competent enough to see me that day..."she probably caught a bug"...so everyone agreed that I should go the Emergency Room...EXCEPT ME!
I got the run around all day...it was exhausting or was that the shortness of breath accompanied by fatigue and a 102 temperature? I wasn't going anywhere...I'm so sick of doctors and appointments and co-pays!
Wednesday wasn't any better...had to call my mommy to come take care of me...I love my mom so much...she's always there for me.
I decide to call my family doctor to see if he could see me...I JUST NEED AN ANTIBOTIC PEOPLE! Of course, I had to leave a message...then had to call again a couple hours later (since they never called back) to see if he could fit me in. "Oh, I just got a message back from his nurse that you'll just need to come in the morning during our 8-9am walk in hour."
I called old reliable Libby directly...she's the only one I feel like who gives a shit about me in this jungle of medical mayhem. She was very concerned about the fever and shortness of breath...especially after a lung surgery..."Jo, this a post operative situation and they need to address it!" I told her that I've gotten infections from catheters in the past...and peeing stings a bit still...maybe I have an infection from that. She hung up and called their main nurse Nikki...who in turn called me to say, "We are still recommending that you go to the Emergency Room."
Libby called afterwards to say she agreed...Dr. D. even got on phone and said the ER would be the best place to find out what's going on at this point and that I need to go. I value both their opinions so I begrudingly had Mom take me to the ER.
Many tests and x-rays later...I do have a urinary tract infection and possibly a little pnemonia "but it's hard to tell for sure with fluid in the lung". Great fluid in the lung...just what I wanted to hear! I've been through 20 days of living hell to hear that there is still fluid in my lung...did this procedure even work? Does my surgeon even know? Doubtful...
$100 co-pay later, the ER sends me home with an ANTIBOTIC...no shit Sherlock! If I pull a Bernie Mac...somebody please sue the freakin' surgeon for me!
Frustration Overcometh!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Recovering from Recovery...
I'm not gonna lie to you all...(you've been too good to me)...but this whole procedure sucks and so does my lung surgeon...I won't go into all that...but trust me...if you ever need any kind of chest or lung surgery...do not go to Dr. R. Scott Stuart at St. Luke's on the Plaza..."that's all I have to say about that".
Dr. D. nixed chemo this week...her reason for waiting was because of an open wound under my right breast next to the shitty gaping stitch-work from the 1st chest tube incision...also possible infection. It's been 4 weeks now since my last round of chemo...at least the numbers have lowered since the excretion of fluid. Once I do resume...we've decided to stick with the current cocktail...which is what I would rather do right now.
I've become quite attached (pun intended) to this tube protruding out my back...I love the way it dangles about a foot into a juice catcher thingymabob that I strap around my neck and carry like an ever so fashionable purse.
The best times are when the tube wraps around a passing door knob...pulling me back and making me scream like a little girl...that ROCKS! Last time I did that was Friday night...it hurt like hell (obviously)...still does (alot)...also, my juice color changed from orange to green and has now stopped...hope that's a good thing...I'll find out tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this in my entire life...but I miss my bra!
Dr. D. nixed chemo this week...her reason for waiting was because of an open wound under my right breast next to the shitty gaping stitch-work from the 1st chest tube incision...also possible infection. It's been 4 weeks now since my last round of chemo...at least the numbers have lowered since the excretion of fluid. Once I do resume...we've decided to stick with the current cocktail...which is what I would rather do right now.
I've become quite attached (pun intended) to this tube protruding out my back...I love the way it dangles about a foot into a juice catcher thingymabob that I strap around my neck and carry like an ever so fashionable purse.
The best times are when the tube wraps around a passing door knob...pulling me back and making me scream like a little girl...that ROCKS! Last time I did that was Friday night...it hurt like hell (obviously)...still does (alot)...also, my juice color changed from orange to green and has now stopped...hope that's a good thing...I'll find out tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this in my entire life...but I miss my bra!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
496 to 362...
We're heading in the right direction!
I was a little nervous about the most recent CA125 test because I have not had chemo for 3 weeks due to surgery and recovery. I didn't have it today either because of open wounds and a tube protruding out the right side of my body...Dr. D. wants to see me tomorrow before we move forward with chemo.
Right before the number started dropping we talked about switching chemo regiments...since all this fluid has left my body...the number has definitely been on the decline. I really don't want to switch it up right now...I hope she agrees. The current cocktail I'm on leaves me feeling pretty decent. For instance, Thursday chemo...Friday and Saturday I'm in pretty good shape...then I'm drained and tired for a few days...better than nausea and hair falling out.
It's all about the hair...it's back...it's thick...and it keeps me from looking like a chemo chick!
I was a little nervous about the most recent CA125 test because I have not had chemo for 3 weeks due to surgery and recovery. I didn't have it today either because of open wounds and a tube protruding out the right side of my body...Dr. D. wants to see me tomorrow before we move forward with chemo.
Right before the number started dropping we talked about switching chemo regiments...since all this fluid has left my body...the number has definitely been on the decline. I really don't want to switch it up right now...I hope she agrees. The current cocktail I'm on leaves me feeling pretty decent. For instance, Thursday chemo...Friday and Saturday I'm in pretty good shape...then I'm drained and tired for a few days...better than nausea and hair falling out.
It's all about the hair...it's back...it's thick...and it keeps me from looking like a chemo chick!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
A 1st for Mom...
Mom finally experienced the thrill of mowing a yard for the 1st time in her many years of existence!
Congratulations Donna...and thanks for everything you do!
Congratulations Donna...and thanks for everything you do!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I'm Baaaccckkkkkk.....
A week ago today, I arrived for the show at 6:15am...time to prep...one of my co-stars is the very cute...Nurse Jason...we bond. Props are in place...the shows about to begin.
Fade into black..."Good night Nurse Jason and good luck to you Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude".
Hey wait you guys...I can feel you starting to stick that tube down my throat...I don't think I'm asleep yet here.
If I could just open my eyes or raise a hand...excuse me...I'm still with ya all and I really don't want to be...this is a scary place...keep trying to move something...mind over matter...(bullshit)...I'm frozen here...finally a fade to black.
Sounds fade back in...lights up...I'm baaaccckkkkk...I'm alive!
Bad timing to come out from the fog...tube still in my throat...I'm not liking this scene...at least I had my motion back...my sign language was very clear...get this thing out of my throat! Oh, so you're gonna cop a Zoey attitude on me and make me repeat myself...I'M TRYING TO GESTURE NICELY HERE....GET THIS THING OUT OF MY THROAT AND DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!
There was a clock right in front of me that was my focal point...this is not cool...not to mention my pain was at a "9" and they weren't doing much about that yet either...20 MINUTES LATER they heed my FINAL warning...I'M ABOUT TO YANK THIS DAMN THING OUT MYSELF...finally! Thanks for leaving me hanging there...Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude...now lets just leave me at a "9" for 20 more minutes...where's my Nurse Jason...I don't see him anywhere...he wouldn't do this to me.
Finally, the machine that hooks you up to the pump...the pump with the button I get to coddle in my hand...control my own destiny with pain...awwwwww....it's my old friend...Mr. Morphin Button. You can call on Mr. M.'s service as much as you want but it will only beep of success every 8 minutes...lucky for me...there's another clock straight ahead in my room.
By 2pm, I was feeling much better...by 5pm they had me up in a chair eating real food. It wasn't until about 8pm when Dr. Longbeard's surgery drugs faded completely away...my voice was horse and my throat felt like it was assaulted by a big mean tuby-thing.
Denny and Uncle Rusty both stopped by to help clock my 8 minutes for me...the later it got...the more the pain increased...now I've got the chills and my teeth are chattering. One of my visitors had a friendly chat with the nurse and soon more drugs were given and Mr. M.'s dose was bumped up.
103 temperature...I remember Hottle Mann reporting back earlier of possible fever side effects from the Talc...she's never steered me wrong...(at least not when it comes to medical issues). I fought a good battle that night...I was wringing wet but round one goes to me!
Friday...I was fed and walked 3 times today...even awarded "The Patient with the Most Tubes"...yeah for me!
It wasn't any easy task walking me...we had to contend with the following obstacles:
* My feet
* Heart monitor
* Oygen tube
* Chest tube
* Pump tube for the Chest tube
* Pee tube
* (and lets not forget) Mr. Morphin tube...all while pushing a shopping cart! I don't know if they steal those things or what...but this one belonged to Dillon's.
Saturday...fought another fever through the night...woke up sweaty to the sight of...Nurse Jason...he was back to take care of me today. We got to know each other better...he just graduated from Nursing School in Arkansas...passed his boards 2 weeks ago...(started shaving last week)...was born the year I graduated college...moved up here with his fiance who's starting dental school this fall...enough about Nurse Jason...we had a good day together.
Nights still aren't great...between fevers...shortness of breath...annoying wheezing from my throat...and coughing a sore lung up...it was a party!
Sunday...was good...freed from a few tubes...I started to feel like a human again. Mom and I lounged...watched bad TV...and worked crossword puzzles all day.
Monday...flat out sucked! Shortness of breath and wheezing are pushing me to the edge...and by the way, why the hell is this not working??!!!! I'd just as soon forget about this day entirely.
Tuesday...they remove the chest tube in the morning and added a different one by afternoon...still pockets of fluid causing the shortness of breath...had to move to a different spot...this shit's getting old...I was spent! I just want to go home. Zoey had a great time on the float trip and with the Mann's but she's ready to come home too. I know Tracy's been long awaiting our return...(she watches our dogs)!
Wednesday...offer was made to send me home with a portable chest tube bag and a home health care person...Done Deal! I get to carry it with me everywhere but no problem...and really no choice...it is sticking out the side of my body right now...whatever...just get me home!
It took about 8 hours...but I made it home again...Zoey was there within 20 minutes...full of hugs and very talkative...dogs were excited as you can imagine...and I felt 10x better just being back with my family!
Fade into black..."Good night Nurse Jason and good luck to you Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude".
Hey wait you guys...I can feel you starting to stick that tube down my throat...I don't think I'm asleep yet here.
If I could just open my eyes or raise a hand...excuse me...I'm still with ya all and I really don't want to be...this is a scary place...keep trying to move something...mind over matter...(bullshit)...I'm frozen here...finally a fade to black.
Sounds fade back in...lights up...I'm baaaccckkkkk...I'm alive!
Bad timing to come out from the fog...tube still in my throat...I'm not liking this scene...at least I had my motion back...my sign language was very clear...get this thing out of my throat! Oh, so you're gonna cop a Zoey attitude on me and make me repeat myself...I'M TRYING TO GESTURE NICELY HERE....GET THIS THING OUT OF MY THROAT AND DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!
There was a clock right in front of me that was my focal point...this is not cool...not to mention my pain was at a "9" and they weren't doing much about that yet either...20 MINUTES LATER they heed my FINAL warning...I'M ABOUT TO YANK THIS DAMN THING OUT MYSELF...finally! Thanks for leaving me hanging there...Dr. Longbearded Lights Out Dude...now lets just leave me at a "9" for 20 more minutes...where's my Nurse Jason...I don't see him anywhere...he wouldn't do this to me.
Finally, the machine that hooks you up to the pump...the pump with the button I get to coddle in my hand...control my own destiny with pain...awwwwww....it's my old friend...Mr. Morphin Button. You can call on Mr. M.'s service as much as you want but it will only beep of success every 8 minutes...lucky for me...there's another clock straight ahead in my room.
By 2pm, I was feeling much better...by 5pm they had me up in a chair eating real food. It wasn't until about 8pm when Dr. Longbeard's surgery drugs faded completely away...my voice was horse and my throat felt like it was assaulted by a big mean tuby-thing.
Denny and Uncle Rusty both stopped by to help clock my 8 minutes for me...the later it got...the more the pain increased...now I've got the chills and my teeth are chattering. One of my visitors had a friendly chat with the nurse and soon more drugs were given and Mr. M.'s dose was bumped up.
103 temperature...I remember Hottle Mann reporting back earlier of possible fever side effects from the Talc...she's never steered me wrong...(at least not when it comes to medical issues). I fought a good battle that night...I was wringing wet but round one goes to me!
Friday...I was fed and walked 3 times today...even awarded "The Patient with the Most Tubes"...yeah for me!
It wasn't any easy task walking me...we had to contend with the following obstacles:
* My feet
* Heart monitor
* Oygen tube
* Chest tube
* Pump tube for the Chest tube
* Pee tube
* (and lets not forget) Mr. Morphin tube...all while pushing a shopping cart! I don't know if they steal those things or what...but this one belonged to Dillon's.
Saturday...fought another fever through the night...woke up sweaty to the sight of...Nurse Jason...he was back to take care of me today. We got to know each other better...he just graduated from Nursing School in Arkansas...passed his boards 2 weeks ago...(started shaving last week)...was born the year I graduated college...moved up here with his fiance who's starting dental school this fall...enough about Nurse Jason...we had a good day together.
Nights still aren't great...between fevers...shortness of breath...annoying wheezing from my throat...and coughing a sore lung up...it was a party!
Sunday...was good...freed from a few tubes...I started to feel like a human again. Mom and I lounged...watched bad TV...and worked crossword puzzles all day.
Monday...flat out sucked! Shortness of breath and wheezing are pushing me to the edge...and by the way, why the hell is this not working??!!!! I'd just as soon forget about this day entirely.
Tuesday...they remove the chest tube in the morning and added a different one by afternoon...still pockets of fluid causing the shortness of breath...had to move to a different spot...this shit's getting old...I was spent! I just want to go home. Zoey had a great time on the float trip and with the Mann's but she's ready to come home too. I know Tracy's been long awaiting our return...(she watches our dogs)!
Wednesday...offer was made to send me home with a portable chest tube bag and a home health care person...Done Deal! I get to carry it with me everywhere but no problem...and really no choice...it is sticking out the side of my body right now...whatever...just get me home!
It took about 8 hours...but I made it home again...Zoey was there within 20 minutes...full of hugs and very talkative...dogs were excited as you can imagine...and I felt 10x better just being back with my family!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Surgery on Thursday...
I had an appointment with the chest surgeon at 1:30 today...ended up hanging out there for pre-op crap until after 5pm.
We decided to go ahead with the procedure...scheduled it for Thursday AM...(for details on the procedure see July 24th entry).
I can tell my lung is filling. I'm sore...winded...tired and cranky.
My apologizes to "Group Therapy"...
I'm meeting Lisa Hottle Mann in Columbia tomorrow to hand off my child. Zoey will spend some fun time with the Mann's in St. Louis...they're going on a canoe trip this weekend!
(Last years float trip pic)
I'll be in the hospital for about 3 or 4 days...skipping chemo...not getting my blood work done either.
I really don't want to know what my CA125 is right now...I like thinking it's at 496.
The more fluid in my body the higher that number may be and I really don't feel like bursting the last balloon I'm hanging by.
We decided to go ahead with the procedure...scheduled it for Thursday AM...(for details on the procedure see July 24th entry).
I can tell my lung is filling. I'm sore...winded...tired and cranky.
My apologizes to "Group Therapy"...
I'm meeting Lisa Hottle Mann in Columbia tomorrow to hand off my child. Zoey will spend some fun time with the Mann's in St. Louis...they're going on a canoe trip this weekend!
(Last years float trip pic)
I'll be in the hospital for about 3 or 4 days...skipping chemo...not getting my blood work done either.
I really don't want to know what my CA125 is right now...I like thinking it's at 496.
The more fluid in my body the higher that number may be and I really don't feel like bursting the last balloon I'm hanging by.
Friday, July 25, 2008
1019 to 496!
Can that be right? Is it working after all?
Did I actually hear some good news today?
Is God really listening?
Redo on Tuesday...just to make sure...then I can be excited.
Did I actually hear some good news today?
Is God really listening?
Redo on Tuesday...just to make sure...then I can be excited.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Add a New Dr. to the List...
Today, I saw the Gyno Oncologist...(or should I say she saw me)...our normal 3 month look up the vajayjay. I told her not to look at my toe nails...I ran out of nail polish removal last night...(half my toes were a mess)...she replied while snapping a glove on her hand, "I'm not here to look at your toes."
Oh yeah...I'll be over here in the stirrups.............
Medical Bulletins:
* My lung has been tapped 5 times within the 2 sessions of chemo I've gone through since June.
* One of the first things chemo usually clears up is the excess of fluid.
* My CA125 has not gone down.
* This regiment of chemo may not be working.
* It's early to bale on it but if my new CA125 test doesn't drop a couple hundred points...we will (I'll know more tomorrow).
She will have to contemplate the next cocktail to order for me...I did request one where I could keep my hair..."I just got it colored and everybody's been complimenting me on it lately."
Immediately following...Mom and I took the elevator to the 6th floor...there we met with my Pulmonary Dr. We had a lovely chat about the fluid that keeps accumulating in my right lung.
He is recommending a surgical procedure to fix the leak...I say just throw some duct tape around the damn thing and call it a day.
Procedure as follows:
"Pleurodesis: A procedure that causes the membranes around the lung to stick together and prevents the buildup of fluid in the space between the membranes. This procedure is done in cases of severe recurrent pleural effusion (fluid around the lungs), as from cancer, to prevent the reaccumulation of fluid.
In pleurodesis, an irritant (such as Bleomycin, Tetracycline, or talc powder) is instilled inside the space between the pleura (the two layers of tissue lining the lungs) in order to create inflammation which tacks the two pleura together. This procedure thereby obliterates the space between the pleura and prevents the reaccumulation of fluid."
I guess it's worthy of a lovely few days stay in the beautiful privacy of my very own hospital suite...party at my place!
I'm being sent to a chest surgeon on Tuesday 7/29...2pm...I'll learn more then...although I did just receive this email from Lisa Hottle Mann...I usually call her first for all my medical advise............she's much older and wiser than I.
Jo-ha!
I researched pleurodesis and it sounds totally awesome! Ok, maybe not awesome, but tolerable…and effective! It sounds just like you said. They will probably use talc as the sclerosant (chemical irritant)—now I know why they say don’t use baby powder on baby’s butts anymore—it can cause pleurodesis! The studies I read said you stay in the hospital 2 to 4 days so the chest tube can completely drain the fluid before the procedure, then you leave it in a little while afterwards to drain the chemical out and make sure no other fluid accumulates (which means it worked). After effects seem very rare and minimal, although the chest tube might be uncomfortable, and the talc sometimes causes fever afterwards. Some people even do this as an outpatient. Not you, of course, because you like to do things the hard way, but that’s ok, we still love ya.
If you want, I can rig up Casey’s nebulizer with baby powder and we can do this thing ourselves. Doctors? We don’t need no stinking doctors.
Goodnight!
Love you…
LeeleepeepeeImeanleelee
Oh yeah...I'll be over here in the stirrups.............
Medical Bulletins:
* My lung has been tapped 5 times within the 2 sessions of chemo I've gone through since June.
* One of the first things chemo usually clears up is the excess of fluid.
* My CA125 has not gone down.
* This regiment of chemo may not be working.
* It's early to bale on it but if my new CA125 test doesn't drop a couple hundred points...we will (I'll know more tomorrow).
She will have to contemplate the next cocktail to order for me...I did request one where I could keep my hair..."I just got it colored and everybody's been complimenting me on it lately."
Immediately following...Mom and I took the elevator to the 6th floor...there we met with my Pulmonary Dr. We had a lovely chat about the fluid that keeps accumulating in my right lung.
He is recommending a surgical procedure to fix the leak...I say just throw some duct tape around the damn thing and call it a day.
Procedure as follows:
"Pleurodesis: A procedure that causes the membranes around the lung to stick together and prevents the buildup of fluid in the space between the membranes. This procedure is done in cases of severe recurrent pleural effusion (fluid around the lungs), as from cancer, to prevent the reaccumulation of fluid.
In pleurodesis, an irritant (such as Bleomycin, Tetracycline, or talc powder) is instilled inside the space between the pleura (the two layers of tissue lining the lungs) in order to create inflammation which tacks the two pleura together. This procedure thereby obliterates the space between the pleura and prevents the reaccumulation of fluid."
I guess it's worthy of a lovely few days stay in the beautiful privacy of my very own hospital suite...party at my place!
I'm being sent to a chest surgeon on Tuesday 7/29...2pm...I'll learn more then...although I did just receive this email from Lisa Hottle Mann...I usually call her first for all my medical advise............she's much older and wiser than I.
Jo-ha!
I researched pleurodesis and it sounds totally awesome! Ok, maybe not awesome, but tolerable…and effective! It sounds just like you said. They will probably use talc as the sclerosant (chemical irritant)—now I know why they say don’t use baby powder on baby’s butts anymore—it can cause pleurodesis! The studies I read said you stay in the hospital 2 to 4 days so the chest tube can completely drain the fluid before the procedure, then you leave it in a little while afterwards to drain the chemical out and make sure no other fluid accumulates (which means it worked). After effects seem very rare and minimal, although the chest tube might be uncomfortable, and the talc sometimes causes fever afterwards. Some people even do this as an outpatient. Not you, of course, because you like to do things the hard way, but that’s ok, we still love ya.
If you want, I can rig up Casey’s nebulizer with baby powder and we can do this thing ourselves. Doctors? We don’t need no stinking doctors.
Goodnight!
Love you…
LeeleepeepeeImeanleelee
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Uneventful and Successful...
The weekend was a success...and by success...I mean no medical issues.
Saturday: the only issue I had was from the pre-chemo steroids...side effect: Ravishing Hunger! I craved crab legs for two days...go figure.
Zoey went to Jessica's sleepover birthday party Saturday night...so I called Davis to see if he was interested in helping me tackle my relentless craving...I just had to mention "Ray's Inn" and a quick "Yes" followed.
If you've never had crab legs at Ray's Inn...I highly recommend it! Awesome dinner...haven't eaten that much or that good in sometime now...my stomach handled it like a true champ!
Sunday: it's my 3rd day after chemo...usually not my best...only issue today was my constant need to close my eyes. I picked up Zoey from the sleepover...we hung out until another friend took her to lunch and a movie...which means...I napped. When she got home about 5pm...she fell asleep as a result of the late night sleepover...which means...I napped...again.
We got up about 8pm..........heading back to bed now to finish up this Sunday Sleep-A-Thon!
Saturday: the only issue I had was from the pre-chemo steroids...side effect: Ravishing Hunger! I craved crab legs for two days...go figure.
Zoey went to Jessica's sleepover birthday party Saturday night...so I called Davis to see if he was interested in helping me tackle my relentless craving...I just had to mention "Ray's Inn" and a quick "Yes" followed.
If you've never had crab legs at Ray's Inn...I highly recommend it! Awesome dinner...haven't eaten that much or that good in sometime now...my stomach handled it like a true champ!
Sunday: it's my 3rd day after chemo...usually not my best...only issue today was my constant need to close my eyes. I picked up Zoey from the sleepover...we hung out until another friend took her to lunch and a movie...which means...I napped. When she got home about 5pm...she fell asleep as a result of the late night sleepover...which means...I napped...again.
We got up about 8pm..........heading back to bed now to finish up this Sunday Sleep-A-Thon!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Drained and Better...
Want you all to know...I appreciate the thoughts and support...you all deserve to hear that I had a really good day today!
Zoey spent the day with Kathy K. Lunch...shopping...pedicures...her gift to the new 9 year old. Zoey's hit that stage...good-bye Bratz...hello clothes. I thought cancer was scary...my kids a pre-teen...now that's freakin' scary!
5th drain completed...breathing better...bounce in my step...smile on my face...no nap...heeded Laura Wickham's advise...took Zoey to see the movie "Wall-e" tonight...laughed out loud...great night with Zo...she likes it when I feel good...ME TOO!
"Hey tomorrow...where are you going...do you have some room for me...night is falling and the dawn is calling...I'll have a new day if she'll have me." ~ Jim Croce
Zoey spent the day with Kathy K. Lunch...shopping...pedicures...her gift to the new 9 year old. Zoey's hit that stage...good-bye Bratz...hello clothes. I thought cancer was scary...my kids a pre-teen...now that's freakin' scary!
5th drain completed...breathing better...bounce in my step...smile on my face...no nap...heeded Laura Wickham's advise...took Zoey to see the movie "Wall-e" tonight...laughed out loud...great night with Zo...she likes it when I feel good...ME TOO!
"Hey tomorrow...where are you going...do you have some room for me...night is falling and the dawn is calling...I'll have a new day if she'll have me." ~ Jim Croce
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Same Shit...Different "Chemo" Day!
I slept the back spasms away all day yesterday...felt better in that area this morning...not feeling great about going to chemo though. I can feel fluid in my lungs again...which probably means I'll have to have it drained tomorrow after chemo...this is seriously getting old...QUICKLY!
It has definitely taken a toll on me...physically and mentally...hit me hard today. It was the first time that I ever thought about punting this whole chemo crap...but I can't...I'm not a quiter.
I'm a fighter...I'm a mother...I'm a daughter...I'm a friend...I'm strong...I'm stubborn...and I'm Jo...what would people do without Jo around. My life's not the greatest right now...but I've got the greatest people in my life...so it's definitely worth the fight!
Just need to remind myself of these facts...anyway...today:
Chemo Day number.................I've lost count...lets say "kajillion"...sounds close enough to me.
Arrived at 10:30am...departed at 5:30pm...definitely the longest day of my chemo career. Lots of pre-tests & post-tests...failed most of them...therefore my detention begins tomorrow morning at 10:30am...the punishment will be a big fat needle through the back...between the ribs...into the lining of my right lung...where they will suck 1/2 to 1 liter of fluid out of my body....FOR THE 5th TIME!
I'll be able to breath again...which is a good thing...I guess...no, yes...it is a good thing. See...I'm working on my positivity...but it is VERY HARD...especially when FRUSTRATION OVERCOMETH!!!!!
It has definitely taken a toll on me...physically and mentally...hit me hard today. It was the first time that I ever thought about punting this whole chemo crap...but I can't...I'm not a quiter.
I'm a fighter...I'm a mother...I'm a daughter...I'm a friend...I'm strong...I'm stubborn...and I'm Jo...what would people do without Jo around. My life's not the greatest right now...but I've got the greatest people in my life...so it's definitely worth the fight!
Just need to remind myself of these facts...anyway...today:
Chemo Day number.................I've lost count...lets say "kajillion"...sounds close enough to me.
Arrived at 10:30am...departed at 5:30pm...definitely the longest day of my chemo career. Lots of pre-tests & post-tests...failed most of them...therefore my detention begins tomorrow morning at 10:30am...the punishment will be a big fat needle through the back...between the ribs...into the lining of my right lung...where they will suck 1/2 to 1 liter of fluid out of my body....FOR THE 5th TIME!
I'll be able to breath again...which is a good thing...I guess...no, yes...it is a good thing. See...I'm working on my positivity...but it is VERY HARD...especially when FRUSTRATION OVERCOMETH!!!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Spazzin' Out...
Long night in hell...started with lower back spasms about 9pm. I called the oncologist on duty and it happened to be Dr. D...she recommended some pain killers, benedryl and a hot bath. The last couple days I've been given a shot to help boost my white blood cell count...it's known to cause pain in the bones...she wasn't aware of back spasm side effects...but if that's it the benedryl should help.
I only had 2 pain killers left...so I did as she instructed...I was better until about 1am. Everything gradually got worse...major back spasms all the way up to my neck and a headache that felt like vice grips clamped to my temples. By 3am...I was twitching like a fish out of water...I didn't have any more pain killers so I took Tylenol PM which has benedryl in it. No relief whatsoever. I couldn't take the pain any longer so I had to make the dreaded middle of the night call to Mom at 4am...I told her immediately not to panic...I explained what was going on and she came right over to take me to the hospital. Then I had to call Tracy and freak her out...but I needed her to come over and crawl in my bed since Zoey was home asleep.
Emergency room at St. Luke's...they assessed my issues...gave me Morphin and Valium...and relief soon entered my world. By 7:30am, I was heading back home with pain killer and valium prescriptions. We were home before Zoey was even awake.
I called Libby to let her know what was going on...she's not sure that it's an oncology issue...I have chemo tomorrow so we'll just see how the day goes. I finally got some sleep by 9:30am...until about 4:30pm. Still having slight spasms...the drugs are helping though.
Not sure what the cause is...seems to be something new going on every other day...I could really use a break!
I only had 2 pain killers left...so I did as she instructed...I was better until about 1am. Everything gradually got worse...major back spasms all the way up to my neck and a headache that felt like vice grips clamped to my temples. By 3am...I was twitching like a fish out of water...I didn't have any more pain killers so I took Tylenol PM which has benedryl in it. No relief whatsoever. I couldn't take the pain any longer so I had to make the dreaded middle of the night call to Mom at 4am...I told her immediately not to panic...I explained what was going on and she came right over to take me to the hospital. Then I had to call Tracy and freak her out...but I needed her to come over and crawl in my bed since Zoey was home asleep.
Emergency room at St. Luke's...they assessed my issues...gave me Morphin and Valium...and relief soon entered my world. By 7:30am, I was heading back home with pain killer and valium prescriptions. We were home before Zoey was even awake.
I called Libby to let her know what was going on...she's not sure that it's an oncology issue...I have chemo tomorrow so we'll just see how the day goes. I finally got some sleep by 9:30am...until about 4:30pm. Still having slight spasms...the drugs are helping though.
Not sure what the cause is...seems to be something new going on every other day...I could really use a break!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Happy 9th Birthday...Zoey Jo!
Zoey's 9th birthday was celebrated at CoCo Key Resort at the Sheraton by the Truman Sports Complex...7 Loud Girls & Lucky Me... Jessica, Morgan, Zoey, Skylar, Jordan, Carly & Cara
Big fun had by all!
Thanks to my friends at work...our room was upgraded to a Suite...a Suite with Issues...(TV issues that is)! Clark & Christa Colwell helped me out big time all day. It was my day 3 after chemo which is usually my worst day...I trucked on but I couldn't have done it without my mom and friends there. Clark even talked to the manager and got us upgraded to the Presidential Suite! The girls thought they were Rock Stars!
When going to bed...I heard one of them comment, "Hannah Montana may have slept in this very bed."
Friday, July 11, 2008
Stick it to Me...Again
My chest x-ray from yesterday showed fluid in the lining of my right lung again...about the same amount as the time before...and the time before that...etc. I was admitted to the hospital by 1pm...took a little nap...then about 2:30 they took me to the ultra sound room. There they look for the best place to enter through my back. They numb the area then stick a long needle through my back...between my ribs...(sometimes hitting a rib on the way in which doesn't feel great)...once in they try to get to the fluid. 1st time was unsuccessful...I told her I thought the time before it took the Dr. 4 or 5 sticks before he got to the fluid and that it seemed he stuck me up higher on the back. She found the spot the 2nd time and retrieved about 1/2 a liter of fluid.
I was home by 4pm but unfortunately I had to miss Zoey's Hannah Montana production that was scheduled for 3pm. She has been at a Hannah Montana camp all week at Longview Community College...today was the last day and the big production. Last night, I informed her that I would have to miss it and she looked up at me with these big blue eyes that immediately started welling up with tears. She's worked so hard this week and I've got to miss the end results...this sucks!
She has been down this road with me before...as far as fluid in my lung and knowing how out of breath I get. I asked her if she would prefer I see the Hannah Montana show or get the procedure done so I can be in good shape for her big fun birthday celebration on Sunday...she agreed on the latter and wiped away the tears.
Mimi and Aunt Jo went and took my video camera so I'll get to watch it...just sucks having to disappoint my very soon to be 9 year old.
I was home by 4pm but unfortunately I had to miss Zoey's Hannah Montana production that was scheduled for 3pm. She has been at a Hannah Montana camp all week at Longview Community College...today was the last day and the big production. Last night, I informed her that I would have to miss it and she looked up at me with these big blue eyes that immediately started welling up with tears. She's worked so hard this week and I've got to miss the end results...this sucks!
She has been down this road with me before...as far as fluid in my lung and knowing how out of breath I get. I asked her if she would prefer I see the Hannah Montana show or get the procedure done so I can be in good shape for her big fun birthday celebration on Sunday...she agreed on the latter and wiped away the tears.
Mimi and Aunt Jo went and took my video camera so I'll get to watch it...just sucks having to disappoint my very soon to be 9 year old.
My Beautiful Sister...
Special shout out to my sister..."Hey Sis!" (Since no one else ever mentions you in their blogs).
I want you to know that I think you are an amazing sister and human being...a true blessing in my life and I love you to death!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Long Day in the Poison Chair...
I arrived for chemo at 10:30am...not breathing too bad...but not great. My oxygen level was borderline so it took them awhile to decide if I should have chemo today or not. During chemo, they pump me full of about 3 liters of fluid...seems like halfway through I start to struggle more and more with my breathing. I'm starting to think the port in my chest that the chemo pumps through is wired wrong...seems to be dripping directly into my right lung.
I told them I wanted the chemo treatment...we'll just have to tap my lung again tomorrow...my CA125 is too high to be pussy footing around just because I can't breath...whatever people! I just need to have a good weekend because it's Zoey's 9th birthday and we've got big plans.
Libby agreed with me...she got me scheduled for a fluid tap tomorrow afternoon...I left the poison chair at 4:30pm and had to go get a chest x-ray done before I left.
Long day...about to get much longer.
Zoey's softball team is in a tournament and her game starts at 6pm...my mom got her there in time because I wasn't sure if I'd make it out to Lee's Summit to warm up by 5:30. They haven't won a game in so long...but they did tonight 10 - 6! Unfortunately, my throbbing headache was gonna have to wait to visit its pillow...winners played again at 9pm. They got spanked pretty good 15 - 5...but they had fun and the season's over...it's all good!
***On a side note: Clark and Christa's daughter Cara had a game at 9pm as well...same place different field...they won! Clark brought snacks for the team...including Propel drinks. We didn't notice until after everyone had left that Propel is full of caffeine and provides a good bolt of energy for 10 year olds at 10:30pm! OOPS...sorry folks! Father of the year...Corky Colwell!!!!
I told them I wanted the chemo treatment...we'll just have to tap my lung again tomorrow...my CA125 is too high to be pussy footing around just because I can't breath...whatever people! I just need to have a good weekend because it's Zoey's 9th birthday and we've got big plans.
Libby agreed with me...she got me scheduled for a fluid tap tomorrow afternoon...I left the poison chair at 4:30pm and had to go get a chest x-ray done before I left.
Long day...about to get much longer.
Zoey's softball team is in a tournament and her game starts at 6pm...my mom got her there in time because I wasn't sure if I'd make it out to Lee's Summit to warm up by 5:30. They haven't won a game in so long...but they did tonight 10 - 6! Unfortunately, my throbbing headache was gonna have to wait to visit its pillow...winners played again at 9pm. They got spanked pretty good 15 - 5...but they had fun and the season's over...it's all good!
***On a side note: Clark and Christa's daughter Cara had a game at 9pm as well...same place different field...they won! Clark brought snacks for the team...including Propel drinks. We didn't notice until after everyone had left that Propel is full of caffeine and provides a good bolt of energy for 10 year olds at 10:30pm! OOPS...sorry folks! Father of the year...Corky Colwell!!!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Quick Update...
As of today...July 9, 2008
My CA125 is 1019...down from 1090 (3 weeks ago)...not thrilled with that number...need to be below 35...just seems like yesterday I was bitchin' about being in the 400's.
I've had my lung drained 3 times...feeling like I'm in need of another stick soon. Is it normal to be out of breath while going pee?
I've had 2 iron infusions...feeling better but still tired...sick and tired to be exact! Sick and tired of the whole damn thing:
...the chemo...the fatigue...the frustration...the bills...the not knowing...the wandering mind...the prayers...the lies...
I haven't been too thrilled with the way things have been going lately...it's been a rough ride...I'm in need of some smooth sailing but it's hard to flip the switch and think positive thoughts...pray...meditate...visualize.
I use to be good at that stuff...now it's a struggle and I need to reconnect...it's just not happening at this present moment. It will come back to me though...I am confident and positive about that...(I think).
I'll just be over here waiting for my epiphany.
My CA125 is 1019...down from 1090 (3 weeks ago)...not thrilled with that number...need to be below 35...just seems like yesterday I was bitchin' about being in the 400's.
I've had my lung drained 3 times...feeling like I'm in need of another stick soon. Is it normal to be out of breath while going pee?
I've had 2 iron infusions...feeling better but still tired...sick and tired to be exact! Sick and tired of the whole damn thing:
...the chemo...the fatigue...the frustration...the bills...the not knowing...the wandering mind...the prayers...the lies...
I haven't been too thrilled with the way things have been going lately...it's been a rough ride...I'm in need of some smooth sailing but it's hard to flip the switch and think positive thoughts...pray...meditate...visualize.
I use to be good at that stuff...now it's a struggle and I need to reconnect...it's just not happening at this present moment. It will come back to me though...I am confident and positive about that...(I think).
I'll just be over here waiting for my epiphany.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
How Deep is this Rut???
After the hospital...I went to see Dr. D. again...news as follows:
My CA125 increased to 1090! In May it had been 489...then it dropped to 301...now I've jumped to over 1000...holy cow!
Fluid in my lung was removed, analyzed and cancer cells were found.
CT Scan showed a possible mass on the right abdominal wall and one above the bladder.
New chemo regiment to start...this battle is getting freakin' wicked.
My CA125 increased to 1090! In May it had been 489...then it dropped to 301...now I've jumped to over 1000...holy cow!
Fluid in my lung was removed, analyzed and cancer cells were found.
CT Scan showed a possible mass on the right abdominal wall and one above the bladder.
New chemo regiment to start...this battle is getting freakin' wicked.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Only Hurts When I Breath...
I knew that the chemo treatment wasn't working. I should have been losing my hair...but it was growing back like crazy...I should have felt worse...but I felt great...my CA125 should have been going down...but it kept going up...something just wasn't right. Mom and I met with Dr. D. and my favorite nurse, Libby...we were all in agreement.
I was currently at the maximum dose of chemo for "an ideal body weight"...(I haven't been an ideal body weight since I was 8). Bring it on...I'm strong...I can take more...I want to push the envelop...they increased my dose by 20%. By June, my CA125 was down from 489 to 301 (normal is below 35)...but I started having other problems...my ankles were as swollen as grapefruits and I was having a shortness of breath.
Libby ordered an ultra sound on my legs looking for blood clots...but all was fine. Chest X-Ray found fluid between my right lung and the lining of my lung. She got me into see a pulmonary doctor that very day...Dr. Yagan. After assessing my situation...he was convinced it was more of a heart issue...he had me convinced too. He got me into see a cardiologist for an echo test the next day...everything looked fine. They ran some other tests and sent me home for the weekend with water pills...we'll chat on Monday.
Over the weekend, I could hardly move without losing my breath. You know it's bad when you're losing wind rolling over in bed instead of breaking wind.
After our Monday chat...they admitted me into the hospital for an Angiogram...(that's where they take a needle up through your thigh and check out your heart)...everything came back fine.
I'm not crazy...I'm not imagining what's going on. The cardiologist cleared me of any heart issues and through up his hands but Dr. Yagan didn't give up...a couple nights in the hospital...along with more x-rays and CT Scans...he finally realized that the fluid in my lungs had significantly increased.
On the 3rd day...God created a long ass needle that they stick through your back, between your ribs and into the lining of the lung to suck out a dark beer colored fluid...ahhhhhhhh...(felt just like taking a long awaited pee)...a liter of fluid later...I got to go home.
I was currently at the maximum dose of chemo for "an ideal body weight"...(I haven't been an ideal body weight since I was 8). Bring it on...I'm strong...I can take more...I want to push the envelop...they increased my dose by 20%. By June, my CA125 was down from 489 to 301 (normal is below 35)...but I started having other problems...my ankles were as swollen as grapefruits and I was having a shortness of breath.
Libby ordered an ultra sound on my legs looking for blood clots...but all was fine. Chest X-Ray found fluid between my right lung and the lining of my lung. She got me into see a pulmonary doctor that very day...Dr. Yagan. After assessing my situation...he was convinced it was more of a heart issue...he had me convinced too. He got me into see a cardiologist for an echo test the next day...everything looked fine. They ran some other tests and sent me home for the weekend with water pills...we'll chat on Monday.
Over the weekend, I could hardly move without losing my breath. You know it's bad when you're losing wind rolling over in bed instead of breaking wind.
After our Monday chat...they admitted me into the hospital for an Angiogram...(that's where they take a needle up through your thigh and check out your heart)...everything came back fine.
I'm not crazy...I'm not imagining what's going on. The cardiologist cleared me of any heart issues and through up his hands but Dr. Yagan didn't give up...a couple nights in the hospital...along with more x-rays and CT Scans...he finally realized that the fluid in my lungs had significantly increased.
On the 3rd day...God created a long ass needle that they stick through your back, between your ribs and into the lining of the lung to suck out a dark beer colored fluid...ahhhhhhhh...(felt just like taking a long awaited pee)...a liter of fluid later...I got to go home.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Gotta Laugh to Keep from Cryin'...
From March 1st, 2007 - December 27, 2007, I fought a good battle against cancer...stayed positive...optimistic...didn't let it change my life much.
Thought I was done at the end of 2007...celebrated...began the year feeling like I'd just conquered a beast...started looking to the future...wondering what to do next...I know there is more for me to do.
March 3rd, 2008...bought a new car...figured I deserved it...medical bills won't be as humungous...I'll be able to afford it. I was nervous about the purchase...but many convinced me it was a good call.
March 4th, 2008...a freakin' day later...I get a call from the Dr.'s office, "Your CA125 is up. Last month is was 16...this month it's 71. We want to run it again to make sure it wasn't a bad test."
Right now, that damn CA125 number is running my life. It shouldn't be over 35...the 2nd time it was 171 or something too high. Time to start up on chemo again...oh, that was nice 2 month break after a year straight...no rest for the weary.
Chemo once a week...3 weeks on...1 week off...for 6 months.
My positive attitude faultered...knocked down to the ground...almost too tired to get up. Insurance didn't want to pay for the PET Scan...made me feel like they really don't care if I live or die at this point...I'm costing them a lot of money.
My doctor got it approved and at least it came back with some decent news. Apparently this test causes the cancer to light up like a neon light...I picture a Vegas sign flashing in neon with an arrow pointing to the cancer cells..."Here it is!" The only place it lit up was in the southern region of what womanhood I have left...it had not spread through out my body as my mind tried to make me believe earlier. That was a relief...could things be looking up?
NOT!!!
April 3rd, 2008
5:00am...woke up to stabbing pain in my side...been dealing with it the last couple days...feels like pleurisy...some lung thing I've had before...only hurts when you breath...good times.
8:30am...DMV to pay sales tax on new car...waited...didn't have all the paper work...(flashback in my head to a certified mail
card in my mailbox last week)...huh...that's what that thing was...trek back home to grab card...to the post office...got the goods...when I was leaving the parking lot there...this old lady on Troost driving a clunker almost nailed my car (guarantee she was uninsured).
10:00am Dental Consultation for Zoey's braces...that bills gonna ROCK!!
11:30am Late to CAT Scan...yeah...get to drink that shit that makes you shit...yeah! You've got to sit around with other people in this room of recliners drinking lemonade flavored shit...then wait...then drinking more "lemonade"...sometimes a nice time to catch a little nap...BUT NO...Godzilla's snoring mother reclined out next to me rattling my molars...so much for resting...at least she got a nap in...biotch!
They did a chest x-ray while I was there...they took one picture and then in the middle of the 2nd picture...the machine breaks down...odd...no big deal...went down the hall to a different one. The weird thing was during the CAT Scan...they were
almost done and then that machine malfunctioned and stopped working!
What the hell is going on around here...my MoJo is way out of whack!
I left there at 2:30pm...called work...said screw it...drove back out to the DMV in Lee's Summit...at least it's a nice spring day for a drive...until a freakin' boulder (ok, rock) came out of no where and flew into my windshield and cracked it..."You've got
to be freakin' kidding me!" I scream out loud to no one other than myself and God of course...a month old and we have our first battle wound and finally a name for my Nissan Rogue..."Rocky Rogue".
Taxes ended up costing me about $400-$500 more than I was expecting...I was just figuring State Sales Tax...what the hell's with this freakin' City tax too???!!!!! F#@K! Didn't I just get through paying KC my 1% earning tax...give me a break people............you can find Zoey and I at the Union Mission soup line this month...good for the diet I suppose.
Zoey had softball practice at 6:45pm...I had to ask Mom to take her because the shit I drank all day was kickin' in and I spent the remainder of the evening playing my hand-held electronic Yahtzee game while sitting on the toilet! (Sorry for that visual).
You know...I've been asking God for a sign lately...is He really out there...does He really exist...does He really care? Guess so...I'll just take this day as one big shitty sign...but next time I think I need to be more specific on the type of signs I'm looking for...God's sense of humor seems as whacked as my MoJo.
He did spare me finally at the end of the night when Zoey went out to the car to get her book...she came back to inform me that my sunroof was open. Good thing because it rained all night long...now that would have sent me over the edge!
April 11, 2008...after my first month back on chemo...I was expecting to hear my CA125 number drop...once again, NOT...it went from 171 to 489 within a month...and I was on the juice! Now I'm no mathmatication...but that's a big freakin' jump in my book!
Apparently the doctor wasn't worried...said she's seen it go up before it goes back down...oh, that's gonna help me sleep better...mental note: call Pharmacy for Ambien refill. Yeah right, like my chemo brain's gonna remember that...maybe at 10pm when I'm heading to bed and they're already closed...and I'm hosed...laying there thinking, right now we are 11 days into April
and I'm broke...financially, mentally, physically...and to boot...my house smells like dog piss! Anybody want a rambunctious puppy?
April 12, 2008...rainy day...stopped by my friend Tracy's to borrow their carpet cleaning machine...I couldn't stand walking in my house anymore...so I fell into theirs. I opened their sliding glass door...turned my foot on the step...fell into their house and layed there sprawled out on the floor...trying to call out to see if anyone was home...struggling to catch my breath...waiting for the pain to subside a tad so I could evaluate the extent of my injuries. Ok...no one must be home because there's no way they couldn't hear my entrance. Their dog did showed up but preceeded to step over my body and bolted out the door...he's gone.
Lets see...it's either my right foot or ankle that feels broken...(been there done that before)...left knee feels twisted...left thumb is throbbing...must of slammed it down on the kitchen table I barely missed...except for my thumb of course. Landed on my right arm...it's sore but seemed to cushion the fall...ok...maybe the right foot and ankle aren't broken...still trying to catch my breath. Well, Zoey's in the car...I figure she'll come in...eventually...maybe I can get up now. It was a solid fall...even gave myself whip lash!
It's a party being me!
Thought I was done at the end of 2007...celebrated...began the year feeling like I'd just conquered a beast...started looking to the future...wondering what to do next...I know there is more for me to do.
March 3rd, 2008...bought a new car...figured I deserved it...medical bills won't be as humungous...I'll be able to afford it. I was nervous about the purchase...but many convinced me it was a good call.
March 4th, 2008...a freakin' day later...I get a call from the Dr.'s office, "Your CA125 is up. Last month is was 16...this month it's 71. We want to run it again to make sure it wasn't a bad test."
Right now, that damn CA125 number is running my life. It shouldn't be over 35...the 2nd time it was 171 or something too high. Time to start up on chemo again...oh, that was nice 2 month break after a year straight...no rest for the weary.
Chemo once a week...3 weeks on...1 week off...for 6 months.
My positive attitude faultered...knocked down to the ground...almost too tired to get up. Insurance didn't want to pay for the PET Scan...made me feel like they really don't care if I live or die at this point...I'm costing them a lot of money.
My doctor got it approved and at least it came back with some decent news. Apparently this test causes the cancer to light up like a neon light...I picture a Vegas sign flashing in neon with an arrow pointing to the cancer cells..."Here it is!" The only place it lit up was in the southern region of what womanhood I have left...it had not spread through out my body as my mind tried to make me believe earlier. That was a relief...could things be looking up?
NOT!!!
April 3rd, 2008
5:00am...woke up to stabbing pain in my side...been dealing with it the last couple days...feels like pleurisy...some lung thing I've had before...only hurts when you breath...good times.
8:30am...DMV to pay sales tax on new car...waited...didn't have all the paper work...(flashback in my head to a certified mail
card in my mailbox last week)...huh...that's what that thing was...trek back home to grab card...to the post office...got the goods...when I was leaving the parking lot there...this old lady on Troost driving a clunker almost nailed my car (guarantee she was uninsured).
10:00am Dental Consultation for Zoey's braces...that bills gonna ROCK!!
11:30am Late to CAT Scan...yeah...get to drink that shit that makes you shit...yeah! You've got to sit around with other people in this room of recliners drinking lemonade flavored shit...then wait...then drinking more "lemonade"...sometimes a nice time to catch a little nap...BUT NO...Godzilla's snoring mother reclined out next to me rattling my molars...so much for resting...at least she got a nap in...biotch!
They did a chest x-ray while I was there...they took one picture and then in the middle of the 2nd picture...the machine breaks down...odd...no big deal...went down the hall to a different one. The weird thing was during the CAT Scan...they were
almost done and then that machine malfunctioned and stopped working!
What the hell is going on around here...my MoJo is way out of whack!
I left there at 2:30pm...called work...said screw it...drove back out to the DMV in Lee's Summit...at least it's a nice spring day for a drive...until a freakin' boulder (ok, rock) came out of no where and flew into my windshield and cracked it..."You've got
to be freakin' kidding me!" I scream out loud to no one other than myself and God of course...a month old and we have our first battle wound and finally a name for my Nissan Rogue..."Rocky Rogue".
Taxes ended up costing me about $400-$500 more than I was expecting...I was just figuring State Sales Tax...what the hell's with this freakin' City tax too???!!!!! F#@K! Didn't I just get through paying KC my 1% earning tax...give me a break people............you can find Zoey and I at the Union Mission soup line this month...good for the diet I suppose.
Zoey had softball practice at 6:45pm...I had to ask Mom to take her because the shit I drank all day was kickin' in and I spent the remainder of the evening playing my hand-held electronic Yahtzee game while sitting on the toilet! (Sorry for that visual).
You know...I've been asking God for a sign lately...is He really out there...does He really exist...does He really care? Guess so...I'll just take this day as one big shitty sign...but next time I think I need to be more specific on the type of signs I'm looking for...God's sense of humor seems as whacked as my MoJo.
He did spare me finally at the end of the night when Zoey went out to the car to get her book...she came back to inform me that my sunroof was open. Good thing because it rained all night long...now that would have sent me over the edge!
April 11, 2008...after my first month back on chemo...I was expecting to hear my CA125 number drop...once again, NOT...it went from 171 to 489 within a month...and I was on the juice! Now I'm no mathmatication...but that's a big freakin' jump in my book!
Apparently the doctor wasn't worried...said she's seen it go up before it goes back down...oh, that's gonna help me sleep better...mental note: call Pharmacy for Ambien refill. Yeah right, like my chemo brain's gonna remember that...maybe at 10pm when I'm heading to bed and they're already closed...and I'm hosed...laying there thinking, right now we are 11 days into April
and I'm broke...financially, mentally, physically...and to boot...my house smells like dog piss! Anybody want a rambunctious puppy?
April 12, 2008...rainy day...stopped by my friend Tracy's to borrow their carpet cleaning machine...I couldn't stand walking in my house anymore...so I fell into theirs. I opened their sliding glass door...turned my foot on the step...fell into their house and layed there sprawled out on the floor...trying to call out to see if anyone was home...struggling to catch my breath...waiting for the pain to subside a tad so I could evaluate the extent of my injuries. Ok...no one must be home because there's no way they couldn't hear my entrance. Their dog did showed up but preceeded to step over my body and bolted out the door...he's gone.
Lets see...it's either my right foot or ankle that feels broken...(been there done that before)...left knee feels twisted...left thumb is throbbing...must of slammed it down on the kitchen table I barely missed...except for my thumb of course. Landed on my right arm...it's sore but seemed to cushion the fall...ok...maybe the right foot and ankle aren't broken...still trying to catch my breath. Well, Zoey's in the car...I figure she'll come in...eventually...maybe I can get up now. It was a solid fall...even gave myself whip lash!
It's a party being me!
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